sᴛᴀʏ | ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʏ

30: Three Words She Just Can't Say

ᴛᴢᴜʏᴜ | ᴘᴏᴠ

Weeks later...

Out of pain, I closed my eyes as I walked straight towards the bathroom sink. I threw-up over and over again, wasting the food and medicines I took. I can't help but to shed a tear realizing that there's no hope. Nor there will ever be.

I'm getting weaker and weaker as the day goes by. I'm at the point where I couldn't hardly walk and stand without anyone's help.

I hate to say this but it's true, Yes, I'm happy because I'm with people who love me but I'm having a hard time because as the days go by, the pain I feel in my body gets worse. Every day the pain worsens and I just can't take it anymore ... Pain relievers nor placebo, they're no use for me anymore. As selfish as this sounds, all I want to do is sleep. Because whenever I sleep, I can no longer feel the pain.

Doctors say that my Narcolepsy was gone. The experimental drug really worked, but unfortunately, at the expense of my very life.

Actually, it might be funny to think. Before, I badly wanted to recover from narcolepsy so I took the experimental pill. When I'm still suffering from my narcolepsy, I would try everything to suppress my drowsiness. Now that I'm suffering from another illness, I just wanted to sleep for a long time.

"Tzuyu, why are you smiling?" Jeongyeon asked, she's holding my hair away from my face.

"Nothing, Jeongyeon. I just remembered what you told me before. You're right, I shouldn't have taken that because now, I'd rather sleep for a long time than feel this pain." I smiled then stood up properly and faced her.

"Do you still remember that?" She laughed a little but I knew it was just forced. "Bitch, just forgot about it, okay? And also, I just want to apologize for-" she stopped talking and swallowed as if stopping herself from crying, "I'll go out first." She said and stepped out.

I also hate this. The pretensions, The fake smiles, The pity.

I feel so useless and pathetic. It was not just me who was hurting and suffering, but also my parents, Zihun, and friends. I could see the sadness in their eyes every time they looked at me. They all took pity on my condition.

__________💜

I gasped as the cold water from the faucet touched my face. I stood straight from slouching and faced the mirror above the sink that I'm leaning unto.

My face slowly appeared as I wiped the mist that clouded up my bathroom mirror. I sighed as I saw how pale and thin I was. I no longer look the same anymore. My eyes are no longer the same either, not only they turned deep, my vision also became blurry. Sometimes, my vision even blocks out as if I became temporarily blind. It's like my face is deteriorating too. It's only been weeks after I learned of my impending doom but I couldn't help but to feel like time is running out for me.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I looked at the mirror again and saw Jungkook leaning on the door I left open.

Again with the smug look on his face, he never fails to make me feel okay...

"I'm getting uglier. Maybe if I say 'My precious' with a matching hoarse voice, I can be the character from Lord of the Rings." I joked and just wiped my face.

"Ugly? You've seen Jeongyeon's face, right? Oh, I saw her earlier. She's frowning again. Did you had a fight with her? Or maybe that's her natural face." Jungkook said sarcastically so I couldn't help but laugh. Jeongyeon's my bestfriend, but hey, its not a sin to laugh at my boy's joke.

"Why do you have to be like that Tzuyu?" Jungkook suddenly asked so I turned my gaze back to him. I was surprised to see that he was no longer smiling.