TRAUMA

#2

I woke up early this morning. Because i didn't want to be late on my first day in office. Besides, i got an email that said i have to arrive at the office at least at 07.30 am. Before i reached the door knob, my phone was ringing. I picked up my phone and saw there was a new number calls me.

"Hello. Who's this?"

"I bet you know my voice."

"Max? What do you want? Just leave me alone!"

"Leave you alone? Hahaha. You wish!"

He hung up the phone suddenly. My heart was beating so fast. I got panic attack. I felt like want to faint. All of bad memories about him and especially that night were invading my mind. I didn't have nightmare last night but this morning was more than a nightmare. My body was shivering. I couldn't even held my phone that already fell on the floor. "Okay, calm down" i said to myself as i took deep breath. He totally ruined my morning.

***

At 07.00 am i arrived at the office. I headed to my desk and prepared all my stuff. Someone was approaching my desk and gave a mug. I held my head up then i saw a handsome guy with the sweet smile in front of me. "Hi! Morning" He opened the conversation. "Hi. A mug, huh?" I questioned him confusedly.

"Yes, this is such a tradition in our office that every new comer in this office will get a souvenir. An example this mug. That's why it has "Welcome" letter on it." He explained.

"Alright. Thanks then." I didn't mean to be bitchy but i still distracted by Max call this morning.

How could i put my focus on my job if his words were always playing around in my head.  I admit that i was afraid of him. I didn't want to dead just because of our ridiculous love story. Why didn't he just thinks that we weren't meant to be. There are so many girls out there. I hated him.

When i was lost in my thoughts, Asher was snapping his finger in front of my face. "Hey, are you okay? Seems you have something that bugging you?"

"Umm, I'm okay." I lied. I didn't want to share my pathetic life to some guy that i just knew. But i could tell that Asher was a good guy. But also i didn't know yet. He could be like my crazy ex.

"Okay then. Have a good day." He headed to his desk. I could see him from my desk. He wore his headphone, maybe turned on his playlist or watched any movies.

It was already 07.30 am but there was nothing happen yet. I mean, I didn't get any email or someone told me about what will i do next.

Not long after that. The HR was walking towards me. She was giving me a warm smile. When she was already next to me, she asked me to come with her. I think she would take me to my team and introducing me.

***

Let me tell you, i was the only girl in my team. They were kind and friendly. The leader of the team named Ryan. He explained to me about our assignment. We got an old chatting application that still exist on the store. The Head Quarter wanted us to update this chatting application. So, it could catched up. Ryan also said that we could use Whatsapp or another chatting application as a reference. As a graphic designer, this was a hard job to create something new. We had to think about "when you click it then where you will go" or "when you do that then what will happen".

***

"Cute mug. You buy it for your first day?" Ty asked me. He was one of member of my team.

"Someone gave me this, he said that this is a souvenir for new comer in this office."

"Really? I don't know that."

"Well, he said that every new comer gets the souvenir."

"Lucky you! I didn't get one."

Weird. I would ask him later. Maybe he just wanted to welcome me. But why he lied. Why didn't he just say that he bought it for me.

***

Time to go home. This was fun. I didn't feel much pressure at my first day. In elevator i met Asher. I asked him why. "i wanna ask you Ash."
He faced me. There were just me and him in the elevator. I felt he was intimidating me. I was afraid and all i could think is he did the same thing as my ex did. So i stepped back.

"About the mug?" How can he knew it. Damn it Ash!

"Yes I'm sorry. I lied to you. I bought it for you. I wanna make your day. I mean, i hoped that you will have great first day." He explained.

I didn't know why he would do that to me. Even we just knew each other. I took that as a part of goodness of Asher. He walked me to my car and said sorry again. I forgave him actually. That was not a big deal for me. When he stepped forward, i got panic attack. He realized that. "Are you okay? I'm sorry i didn't mean to." Everything seemed blurry. "Okay, you have to control your breath. Please sit!" He dragged me to the back seat.

"Courtney, are you okay?"

"Yes. Yes, i'm okay now."

"Are you serious?"

"Not really."

"What happened? Is it because of me?" I could tell that he was totally confused.

"I got panic attack i think."

"Why? Did i make you that way?"

"No, no. It because something happened in the past. I got trauma with the guy."

"Oh God Courtney. I won't hurt you."

"Yes i know. But you can't blame either."

"Yes I'm sorry. Are you sure you can go home by yourself?"

"Ya, thanks!"

"I'll follow you. I will drive my car and follow you. I just wanna make sure that you are safe."

"Okay."

***

After all of drama happened. I got home. Asher already went home. I told him to have some drink first. But he said he had an appointment with his friends. I couldn't be like this for the rest of my life. I wanted to heal myself. But how? Max always stalked me and intimidated me. He totally wanted torture me with his own way. This was way too much. Didn't he think that he already hurt me enough?