TRAUMA

#5

Courtney's POV

Do i have to tell him the truth? I didn't know what i felt that night. When he was driving i couldn't take my eyes away from looking at him. I tried so hard not to staring at him. His jaw was so chisel. Sometimes he played with his teeth that makes it perfect even more.

I don't want to lie, i felt safe when he was around me. The hug, it was like finding something that you have lost for a long time and you don't want to lose it again. Honestly, i can hug him more than hours. I could hear the beat of his heart. So soothing. It was like a metronome that can make my feeling better.

He was more than friend for me. I'm just afraid, if i tell him, he will take it as advantage. I don't know maybe he just felt sorry. This trauma gave me a trust issue. I couldn't trust people easily. It can be good and bad at the same time.

When we were on the way back to my house. I looked at mirror that i always brought every where. "I can't even see my face. Why was i crying?"

He looked at me laughing. "You are funny you know that. It is okay if you wanna cry. Cry isn't a mistake. Cry is the best way to express your feeling sometimes. Even though it is not solve the problem, but i believe the cry will make your feeling better."

"Yeah, you're right." I wiped all my tears. They were all over my face.

I ordered foods before we arrive at my house. I just didn't want to wait more longer. I was starving.

***

"Here we are." He said playfully. I grabbed my key then opened the door. "Come in."

"I wanna change my clothes first, is it okay?"

"Okay okay." He gave me an okay sign. He sat on the couch and played with his phone.

When i came near him, he was smiling and gave me a sign to sit next to him. "Firstly, drink? What do you want?"

"I wanna a cup of coffee please."

"Alright, one cup of coffee will be here soon."

For a second i think that we were like spouse. He was so sweet. His words could make every girl melts. I don't know if he just made it perfect or it was the way he is.

The coffee was ready and i brought it to him. I put it on the table and sat next to him. "Thanks. How about the food?" He asked me as he headed the glass to his mouth.

"I already order the foods when we were on the way."

"Okay, good thinking."

For a while, we were just stuck in the awkward situation. No words. Just played with each other phones.

"Hey Ash, i wanna ask you something." I broke the silence.

"What is that?"

"Why do you care a lot about me? Like really a lot!"

"Because i love you." He laughed. Was he serious or just kidding?

"I am serious. I don't want other people start thinking or gossipping us."

"Don't hear it then."

"Ash, be serious please. For now i want to share my problems to you. You are right, i need to share my thoughts, my problems, my bad experience. Especially about Max."

"Okay, i care about you because you already stole my heart when we met at the first time. It was the best time in my life actually. Sounds cheesy right?"

My cheek blushed. Like a fresh tomato. I didn't know that he had a feeling for me like that way. Is it the right time for opening my heart again. I missed the feeling of being loved actually. It was long time ago and turned to be some thriller scene right now.

I was gawking, couldn't say a word. "You hear me right?" He asked me. The cup of coffee still on his hand.

"Yeah yeah, i hear you. I'm just surprised. We just met a week ago but now i feel like i have forever best friend. Or maybe more than that. Honestly, i feel safe when you're around me. Thanks for that. But for love, I don't know yet. It is too complicated for me. I am still afraid to open my heart. Sometimes everything that someone's doing can make me remember about Max and end up with my brain replays that night memory."

"What happened that night then?"

"I--i.."

"You always said "that night". Why don't you just tell me what happened?" He stopped me.

*Someone's knocking the door*

"One sec, the foods!" I ran. Reached the door knob and opened it.

"Miss Port?"

"Yes, i already pay the bill. Thank you."

"Yes, thank you."

I closed the door and brought the foods to Asher. "You owe me a story, don't forget that." He said. He smiled little bit. I know that he wanted to light up the situation for me. I was going to the kitchen to take plates, spoons, and forks.

"Finally the food. I am starving." I said.

"Why is the woman always starving?" He asked playfully.

"Because we think much than man. Haha."

"Yeah, some of us just do what we wanna do. We don't think first."

"I know that, but woman can do that careless thing too. Not just man. We are just human. Not perfect."

"But you are." He smiled at me.

He knew how to make me blush. Do i deserve to be treated like this? "Stop makin me blushing." I hit him slowly on the shoulder.

"What? Haha." He was so funny. How could he didn't have girlfriend? Is it the real him? I mean is he playing a role or that is the real him. I didn't mean not to believe him but it was so hard to deal with the guy after what happened to me. Because i used to trust someone. It didn't work.

"Earth to Courtney!" He snapped his finger in front of my face. That surprised me though. I was sinking too deep in my thought.

"Yeah, i'm sorry. I am finished. Are you?"

"Yeah me too. Thanks tho."

I cleaned the dishes then washed them.

"What do you wanna hear from me?" I opened the conversation and been straight up. I already had feeling that he would ask me to tell him the story.

"Nothing but the truth. What happened to you, so that you have this horrible trauma and so specific. You have trauma with the guy, love, and trust. It sounds simple but when i saw you got panic attack, i know that is not as simple as that. It is more than complicated i think."

He talked so much. But i loved that. I loved the way he think. I loved the way he scans all my problems. Maybe he could see it through my pathetic face.

"Yes it is not as simple as that."

"Then, tell me."