Afterwards

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"You're not safe, you know that, right? You'll never be safe from me. Never. I'll always be here. You can't get away, chérie. You'll never get away from me."
"Fuck!" I woke with a start, my alarm buzzing in the background from its place on my bedside table. It was 7am on a Monday. Of course it had to be a Monday.
Monday 25th January.
Dragging myself out of bed and turning on the shower, I watched the whips of steam curl up and float around the room. It had been six weeks since the court case started, and only a couple of days since it had closed, and unsurprisingly, I wasn't sleeping any better than I was before. I had training today, like I'd had every day since the case ended to try and catch me up on fitness that I'd lost from not doing anything but going to court and not sleeping. Julien's voice was still ringing in my head. The reflection in the mirror still showed the scars that he gave me, and the scars that I'd given myself over the past couple of months. More of them had been added to the ones that decorated my thighs, and whilst I wasn't proud of them, it helped me take my mind off things. I stepped under the shower, my hands gliding through my hair that I hadn't yet dyed since I stripped the pink out eight weeks ago. I needed to dye it again, presumably before winter testing, which wasn't long away at all. I had to be in Bahrain for the 10th of March. Testing started on the 12th, and ended on the 14th. We were staying in Bahrain for the first race, which was the 28th of March, with the second race on the 16th of April in Italy. I rinsed out the shampoo, conditioning my hair and washing my body whilst it sat in my hair. I knew I'd have to shower again tonight anyway; I was running to meet Nick and then going on another run to eventually end up at the gym to continue the work out. I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and turned the shower off, wrapping myself in a warm towel that had been hanging on the heated radiator. Drying myself and sliding my gym clothes that I threw out of my wardrobe, I took out the hair dryer and dried my hair just enough for me to be able to tie it in a high ponytail. I took my phone off charge and texted Nick, telling him that I'd be leaving soon. He's going to find you like he did last time. He can still get to you.
I wandered into the kitchen, taking out the bottle of tequila that lay in my alcohol cabinet and took a mouthful of the liquid.
"Just to take the edge off," I said to myself, putting the bottle back. I grabbed my keys, my phone, and my mask, slipping my trainers on and heading out the door. I set my apple watch to the right setting, and started my run.

Thursday 28th January.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I'd put makeup on to hide the dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep; I was going to be in a Quadrant video today, from all the way in Monaco. I closed my eyes, floods of memories coming back to me, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the side of the cabinet I was leaning on. My beer was sitting just in front of me, and I finished the rest of it, just to take the edge off, before leaving the bottle on the side and walking into the gaming room. I put my headphones on, joining the call and pulling up everyone's faces on my second computer screen.
"Hey, guys."
"Jessie! How're you doing?"
"Yeah, I'm alright, you?" I asked Ria.
"I've been doing okay."
"You look tired," Max said.
"Tough training session today. I hope you guys haven't made the house too messy," I laughed.
"No. Well, I haven't, Lando has."
"Hey!"
"You're barely home and you still make more mess than me!"
"Yeah, well, shut up."
"So mature, Lando," I said, shaking my head and hearing Niran's distinct laugh.
"You thinking of coming back to England any time soon?" Aarav asked.
"Schedule's really busy. I'll see if I can though, maybe for my 21st."
"You've got to come back for your 21st," Ria said.
"Yeah. Hopefully I can see my dad, go see mum and Dylan as well. Anyway, what exactly are we doing again?"
"Just a reaction video," Steve said.
"Cool."
"Ready to start everyone?"

"Hello, Jessie, love. How are you?"
"Hey, dad. I'm okay. How are you?"
"Oh, same old, same old. I'll be happy when the pubs open again, and I can go down with Bill and Robert. How've you been since court?"
"I've not been bad. I'm getting used to being in my apartment, so that's a plus. I've been talking to Aliesha a lot as well. We've been discussing possible medication but, I don't know. I don't even know if I'll be able to take them because they all have side-effects of dizziness, which the FIA won't allow if I'm driving. We'll figure something out, though."
"Good, good. How are all your friends?"
"They're good, yeah. They've looked after me a lot these past few weeks so, I think there ought to be several rounds on me. Kelly's been by a few times with Penelope, her daughter. She's so sweet. She just plods around, her wide eyes looking at everything and wanting to grab everything too. She's adorable."
"Yeah, well, I don't want to be a grandad yet, so don't be getting baby fever."
"Dad! Ew!"
"I'm just saying!"
"I've got to focus on my career anyway. They'll be no kids from me until I have a few world championships under my belt," I laughed.
"Yeah, and you'll be in your thirties."
"Dad!"
"I'm stopping! Anyway, what're you up to this weekend?"
"Training. That's all it's been, to be honest. I was in a Quadrant video earlier today, that'll be coming out on Wednesday. It was fun, actually. I caught up with Ria for a bit afterwards. They're trying to persuade me to come back to England for my 21st, but I don't know if travel restrictions will let me. It'd be amazing to come back, to see you and Dylan and mum and everyone, but I'll have to see what my schedule is like, and what the restrictions are."
"Well, I'd be happy to have you, you know that anyway. What're you up to this weekend?"
"Ha, flying to England with Max to be at Milton Keynes. I don't think I'll get time to come down and see you, though. Everything's jam packed with PR appearances, sim work, and filming stuff for Formula One. They're taking my picture in my Red Bull racing suit. I think we're doing the poses for this year's intro as well."
"Oooh, sounds exciting!"
"It's really not. I always get stressed out about what pose to make. Hey, at least I'll have Max laughing at me."
"At least you'll be driving for Red Bull. You know, I still can't believe it. My little girl is a Formula One driver for Red Bull Racing."
"I'll get you tickets this year when I can, dad."
"Don't worry if you can't, love. You know how I feel about hotels and the like."
"Don't you want to stay in a posh hotel, dad?"
"Oh, gawd no. I'd be afraid I'd break something! I'm like a bull in a china shop, me."
"I know, dad," I laughed.
"I'd best be getting off now, love. I've got work tomorrow and it was pretty busy today. Give me a call when you're in England, will you?"
"I will, don't worry. I love you, dad."
"I love you too, Jess."
"Bye."
"Bye now."

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