Lights Out

Heart To Heart

Wednesday 5th May.
I picked out a black jumpsuit that hung loosely off my body but still made me feel good about myself. It was starting to get a bit more difficult to hide the bump, and I still didn't want many people knowing about it. I was a bit sad. This time next week, I'd be in the abortion clinic, just waking up after the procedure. I wanted more time with the baby, if I was honest, but I had to remind myself that I could not sacrifice the career I'd worked so hard at just for something that I could do later, which was have a child. Besides, I didn't particularly want the child of a guy whose name I didn't even remember, especially now that my feelings for Harry were definitely starting to develop more. He'd sent me flowers after the race on Sunday, which I'd finished P4 on. It was a relatively boring race, if I was honest, but I was looking forward to getting back onto it this weekend. My thoughts of the race this weekend were disrupted by the jolting pain that shocked through my body, making me wince. It had been happening all week, and had started on the plane over to Spain on Monday afternoon. It wasn't too bad on the scale of pain, but it interrupted whatever I was doing for a few seconds before the pain started to ebb away again. I finished applying the light makeup and grabbed everything I needed to go out of the door to the restaurant.

"Good evening, everyone," I said with a smile, taking off my mask as I sat down next to Max and Pierre. Daniel was diagonal to me on my right side, and the usual circus was to my left.
"Evening, Jessie."
"Bonjour. How is my old teammate?" Pierre asked.
"Bloody tired," I yawned.
"Not much sleep last night?"
"No, not really."
"Hey, Jessie," Charles said from across the table. "What's this Pierre told me about you having a boyfriend."
I glared at the Frenchman next to me before sighing and reminding myself to text Jas and tell him to make his loud mouth not so loud.
"I don't have a boyfriend," I said. "I'm just seeing someone. It's not official, though."
Charlotte squealed from next to her boyfriend, looking excited.
"Jessie! That is such a huge step!"
"God, you sound like my therapist."
"I bet I do," she giggled. "So, what's he like?"
"Hang on, did I just hear that Jessie has a boyfriend?" Alex asked, sitting down with Lily.
"No," Max answered for me. "She's just seeing someone."
"Who!" Lily asked, equally as excited as Charlotte. I groaned, my head throbbing slightly just like it had been since I left the hotel.
"Someone you wouldn't know. But he's nice, he sends me flowers on race weekends and yeah, he's cool."
"Cool?" Seb raised an eyebrow.
"Shush it, caveman," I retorted, a cheeky grin on my face. He laughed.
"Tell us more," Charlotte said. It was more of an order than a question.
"Um, okay. He likes Pepsi Cherry, and Disney movies, and he opens bottle caps with his teeth just like I can do, which I thought was very cool when I found out. We've been on three dates, and I'm seeing him in-," I paused, the breath getting knocked out of me as another jolt of pain shocked through my body. "I'm seeing him in England," I carried on. The pain worsened and I gasped for breath, my hand grabbing the edge of the table.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I've just got really bad cramps," I said, my voice strained as I tried to keep my composure.
"Jess?" Danny's voice held some concern, and I looked up at him just before another wave of pain, worse than the first two, hit me. I felt something warm lower down, like I would do if I unexpectedly got my period, and the realisation hit me.
"I-, I..." I stuttered, trying to find the words in the midst of the cramps that squeezed the lower half of my stomach and back.
"Jessie, are you alright?" Seb asked. I shook my head.
"I think I'm having a miscarriage," I gasped.

It was all a big flurry of panic, and Seb, the only one who had driven to the restaurant, took me to the hospital. Charlotte and Lily came with me and made sure I was as comfortable as I could be, but it was still a bit awkward explaining to them about everything. Max had called Christian to let him know what had happened, and he was equally as concerned as everyone else, especially the people who didn't even know that I was pregnant. I joked about a bit and said that it would make for good friendship bonding, but I was scared. Despite the fact that I was getting an abortion, I thought I still had a few more days before everything would be over. Apparently I didn't. They put a needle in my arm at the hospital, giving me a drip to pump some fluids into my body to replace the blood that was coming out. It wasn't that much, I guessed, but it was very uncomfortable, just like the nurse told me it was going to be. My phone rang and I picked it up.
"Are you okay?" came the instant question.
"I'm fine, Katie, don't worry."
"You're in hospital for a miscarriage, Jessie! If you're not feeling up to the fitting next week we can cancel and reschedule it's not a problem and-"
"No, I want to see you. I've been looking forward to it for weeks. I'm okay, honestly. I mean, I'm a bit upset and very embarrassed that it happened in a restaurant of all places, but I'm okay. You don't have to worry."
"Who did you end up telling about this in the end before the miscarriage?"
"Seb, Danny and Lando. But now all of them know, so... yeah."
"Oh, bless. Well-"
"Hang on, Katie, the doctor's just come in."
"Alright. I'll speak to you later. Get some rest."
"Will do, bye."
"Bye."