Lights Out

Max's Home Race

Wednesday 1st September.
"I'm glad we can have a lazy day today," Harry whispered. His fingers were running through my hair as my head rested on his chest. It had been a quiet two days. The flashback I'd had on the Sunday had resulted in another big conversation; a conversation about not locking doors and being especially careful when I'd been injured. We'd both spoken to Aliesha about it, and agreed to do therapy together to make sure that the argument we'd had in France at the beginning of the break didn't happen again. Harry had almost broken the door down by the time the lock gave and he was able to get into the bathroom, and I hadn't made my concussion any better as I'd fallen when the flashback started and hit my head. That was another lovely trip to the hospital that night for yet another head CT and a few stitches. I don't even remember getting back to the hotel I was that tired. Harry told me that he'd carried me up and gotten me into bed. I wrapped my arms tighter around my boyfriend's torso, closing my eyes to block out the dim sunlight that peeked through the curtains.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly. I nodded, just enjoying him with me. My phone started ringing from my bedside table and Harry reached over to get it for me.
"It's Katie, do you want to answer it?"
I sighed and reached a hand out for the phone, which I answered and held up to my ear.
"Hey, babe, I'm really sorry, I know you're not feeling great, but we're filming a promo video. I know it's last minute, I'm sorry, but I can't get you out of it I'm afraid. Christian seems fit to burst if I try anymore."
I rolled over onto my back, my head now resting on my pillow and not Harry's chest.
"Yeah, okay. Where is it?"
"The hospitality. It's all set up already."
"That was quick."
"Yeah. Logistics were working overnight."
"Oh God, I feel sorry for them. As if they haven't got enough to do."
"I know."
"I'll be there in about an hour."
"Make it half. They're not very patient today."
"Right, yeah. See you."
"See you, hun."
I hung up the phone and let my hand flop to the side of my head.
"Looks like our lazy day just threw itself out the window. I have to be at the hospitality in half an hour."
I threw my legs out of the bed and sat up, stretching.
"Does he know that you had to go to hospital on Sunday because of a flashback?"
"Yep," I said, popping the 'p'. "No rest for the wicked."

"You're late," Christian said, his eyes burning into me.
"Well I only knew about this half an hour ago so..." I bit back the retort that maybe he should have better planning skills as that would've probably gotten me into a lot of trouble. Max looked at me sympathetically, giving me a nod to ask if I was okay. He knew. Obviously he knew. I gave him a nod and a small smile back to say that I was.
"Today you'll be playing Mr and Mrs."
I groaned, tilting my head back like a toddler in a tantrum.
"Enough of it, Jessie," Christian growled.
"Something tells me I might not be racing here next season," I muttered underneath my breath. Max shot me a look to tell me he was equally as concerned about my place on the team. I'd been having contact talks, but Pierre was doing so well this season. Pierre was great. He was a great friend and a great teammate, but I really didn't want to lose my seat because I probably wouldn't be going back to AlphaTauri, and the thought of me almost losing my seat in Formula One only a few months before was still weighing heavy on my mind. I couldn't afford to fuck anything up. If I did, I'd be out of a job.
"Okay, rolling in three, two..."
"Hallo, we zijn terug met een andere uitdaging. We are in Zandvoort in the Netherlands."
"Is it good to be back, Max?"
"It is good to be back, yeah. Got all the fans already here trying to sneak a peak at me."
"Celebrity treatment."
"Definitely."
"Anyway," I continued, "we are playing Mr and Mrs. We have these wonderful things of our faces, and um, yeah. Do I need to say anything else?"
"Such creativity shown here today. Honestly," Max laughed.
"First question, who is the better driver?"
I held up the card of Max's face. They'd done well picking a photo of that out; it was a snapshot of the 'buy this can' video that Max did God knows how long ago. Max also put his card up.
"Thank you, Jessie."
"Well you're the one gunning for the championship this year you idiot," I laughed.
"Next question. Who has the best fashion sense?"
I held my card up and Max held his up.
"What?" I said in a startlingly Alex-like manner. "No. Your clothes are limited to blue skinny jeans, black Red Bull shirts and orange Red Bull caps. Get out. Mine is so much better."
"I still think mine is better. It suits me."
"My fashion sense suits me!"
"I never said it didn't."
"Alright, next question. Who has the better hair?"
I held my card up, as did Max.
"Thank you," I said. "You've almost been forgiven."
"Well you always dye your hair so I can't exactly say me, can I?" he laughed.
"Who is most liked by fans across motorsports?"
I held Max's card up and Max held my car up. I looked at him, confused.
"Orange army? No? Doesn't ring a bell?"
"Only female F1 driver to score more than half a point? No? Doesn't ring a bell?"
"I think you're forgetting last season and aha... yeah."
"You're a female Formula One driver."
"Yeah, but that's why I'm popular for the wrong reasons."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry, can we have a break and come back to this in like five minutes?" I asked.
"Uh, yeah, sure thing."
"Great." I got up from my chair and walked out of the room, Katie following me. I walked out of the hospitality. Everyone was everywhere.
"Jessie."
"I do not want to fucking be here today. I really don't."
"I know, I'm sorry you have to be," Katie said. "Come behind the motorhome, there's less people."
I could feel my heartrate rising, and I picked at the skin on my knuckles.
"Try to calm down, okay?"
"I do not want to be here, okay? I was going to have one more recovery day before facing the music because the media know that I was in hospital Sunday night and you know that as well. I can't, okay? One race weekend in and they're already making my life hell."
"I'm trying the best I can, Jessie."
"I'm not blaming you, Katie. In no way am I blaming you. I just wish I was not here today. I know someone's been managing my account for the past week but I'm still seeing all of the comments come through. I'm getting them on my YouTube videos now. Some people are fucking saying that I should've died in that shunt on Saturday, and even more are sending me rape threats because of the fucking Vogue pictures."
"I'm sorry, what?"
I turned around to see Max behind me, his face starting to contort with anger at what he'd evidently just overheard.
"Is that what you meant in there?" he asked. I said nothing.
"Jessie! You cannot just walk out of there like that and-, really?" Christian caught sight of the three of us. "You're just going to stand around here and do nothing? You are supposed to be in there filming a promo."
"She just needed some time out," Katie tried to say. He didn't listen to her.
"You get back in there and you film the rest of the video."
It was Max's turn to try next.
"Christian, she's getting some really bad hate at the moment, and she just needed to-"
"Everybody gets hate, she just needs to suck it up."
"Yep, sorry, Christian," I said, putting on a mask. "I'll be back there right away."
"You better be."
He left and I stepped forwards to follow him until Max blocked my path.
"Jessie-"
"We have a job to do. You heard him. Let's go."