Lights Out

This Could've Gone Better

Saturday 9th October.
"Jessie," Christian said warmly as I walked through the door of the conference room. He gestured to a seat in front of him and Helmut Marko. "Take a seat."
I did. I didn't know whether to be relieved or concerned that he had been actually nice, well, nicer than he usually was, to me for the entire time we had been here so far. I hoped it was because I scored some good points in Sochi and had been top of the boards in FP1, 2, and 3, and had also qualified P4 behind Max earlier today. It seemed that my shunt in Sochi when I was sick had been forgotten, or forgiven, rather, and I was at least a little bit thankful. But there was something in Helmut's posture that made me think that I should be concerned about their good manners towards me, not relieved, and that put me on edge.
"What did you ask to see me for?" I asked, initiating the conversation.
"Your contract with us for next season," Christian said. "We've been in negotiations with you for some time now, and while we have been pleased by your performance in terms of your consistency and your podiums so far, we have decided not to offer you the chance to drive for us next season."
My stomach dropped and I swallowed before taking in a breath.
"Um, okay. May I ask why?"
"We just feel like somebody else would fit the team better."
"Who's taking my seat?"
"Sergio Perez."
That was it. Hearing the name of the driver taking my seat fall from Helmut's mouth brought my entire world crashing down around me. I kept it together, nodding whilst looking at the table.
"Is there any possible chance of me becoming a test driver for you?"
"I'm afraid not. We've already decided on what people are filling those roles."
"What about a test driver for AlphaTauri?"
"It's the same situation there too."
"Okay. Alright, um, when are you announcing it?" I asked, my voice surprisingly not cracking for how tight my throat was becoming.
"Tuesday," Christian answered.
"Right. Well, thank you for the opportunities you have given me. I'll keep looking towards the remaining races."
"Thank you, Jessie."
I stood up, shaking Christian and Helmut's hands as they stood up too, and left the room. I went to my driver's room, shutting and locking the door behind me before sitting on the floor against the sofa. I inhaled deeply, not letting myself fall into panic.
What teams have their line-up? McLaren, Mercedes, Williams, AlphaTauri, Haas, Alpine, Alfa Romeo, Ferrari, Aston Martin. All of them. Have they all got their reserve drivers? Who are you kidding, Jessie? They won't take on somebody who's in the Red Bull Programme, and you can't leave because it's your best chance of getting a seat in the future. Will I be able to get a seat in the future? Will teams actually take me on with my reputation? Jessie, you're out of Formula One. You won't be able to get back in.
I sat there with my thoughts. I'd worked so hard for this. I'd sacrificed my entire life and for what. For three years that have just caused me misery and pain? I hadn't had the pay-off yet. I was supposed to win the driver's championship with Red Bull in a few years' time, that was the plan, that was what I'd discussed with Christian many a time. But now it was gone. It was all gone. I was finished. My joy-ride was coming to an end.

Sunday 10th October.
"Jessie! Congrats on the podium," George said, raising his drink. The cheers echoed around the table where Alex, Lando, Pierre, Charles, Danny, Carlos and Max were sat. We were in a club, celebrating another race over, and fucking hell was I grateful for the alcohol. I raised my glass and downed the remainder of the contents.
"Anyone want anything from the bar?" I said over the music, thankful that it wasn't too loud in the VIP section. They all shook their heads so I got up and wandered over by myself.
"What can I get for you?" the bartender asked me, leaning in to hear my reply.
"Long Island Ice Tea, please."
"Sure thing."
He got to work making my drink and I put the money plus a tip down on the counter.
"Here, my lady," he said, placing the glass down.
"Thanks."
I made my way back to the table.
"Oh, careful now," Daniel said jokingly, "the last time you had one of those you had a mental breakdown in the middle of a bar with me."
"Well, cheers," I said, lifting my drink and knocking it against his. I sat on the other side of the table and drained a quarter of mine in the first few sips through the straw, placing it down again with a sigh.
"You alright?" Pierre asked. I said nothing, fighting with myself over telling him or not. I hadn't told anybody, not even Nick or Katie. I'd put on a mask to Harry and he didn't notice anything wrong with me. I turned to lean my elbow on the table and look at my former teammate.
"Red Bull are dropping me," I said slowly. "They aren't offering me a contract for next season, and there is no chance of me as a reserve driver in Red Bull or AlphaTauri. Had they made the decision sooner, maybe I would've had a chance to secure a seat but... I'm out."
Pierre stared at me, his mouth slightly open. His eyebrows furrowed and he opened his mouth to talk when he was interrupted by Carlos and Charles returning to the table.
"What's this?" Charles asked, the hint of a giggle in his voice as he lips turned up in his usual grin. It soon faded when he caught onto the tone of our conversation.
"¿Qué pasa?" Carlos asked, looking directly at me, the occasional strip of purple light dashing across his face.
"I don't have a seat for next season," I answered. "Red Bull aren't giving me a contract."
"But what about being a reser-"
"She's already asked," Pierre answered for me.
"Where are you going to go?" Carlos asked me. I shrugged.
"Don't know. I just-, need to figure this out. I only found out yesterday."
"But you've been doing so well," Charles said, frowning.
"They think Sergio Perez is a better match for the team."
"What about Checo?" Alex asked, returning with Lando and George, and drawing in Daniel's attention, which was previously on his phone. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing my eyes.
"The driver line-up for Red Bull in the 2022 season will be Max Verstappen and Sergio Perez. I will not have the second seat at Red Bull, and I will not be a reserve or test driver. I will not be a reserve or test driver for AlphaTauri either, and thus my time in Formula One will be coming to an end indefinitely at the end of this season. As far as I know, there are no seats going in W Series, and DTM have most of their line-up and will not take another Red Bull Programme driver. So, I have the rest of the season to make Red Bull regret not offering me a contract, and the rest of the night to get drunk." I finished the rest of my drink and got up. "Excuse me."