The Act

Lets talk

Sage's POV

Me and Xan get comfortable on his couch and surprisingly the air isn't as tense as i thought it would be. I give him time to collect his thoughts and plan out what he's going to say. Memories of all the times we spent watching marvel movies and pulling all nighters on business proposals float through my head. They remind me of what I'm here fighting for. 

"So-

"Alright-

"Sorry." We both say in unison making each other laugh.

"You can start bellissima." He assures and I feel my heart tingle.

Nodding I take a deep breath before speaking.

Okay you got this Sage. Just tell him how you feel. Be genuine but firm. 

"Well..." I start trying not to squirm under his intense gaze. 

"I'm really confused about where we stand Xan." I force out. "You just ghosted me randomly--I thought we were good enough friends to be honest with each other. If this isn't what you actually wanted then--

"It is." He cuts me off and I furrow my brows. Well he sure as hell isn't acting like it.

"And this is your way of showing it?" I can't hide the sarcasm in my tone. Xan drops his eyes looking guilty and it tugs at my heart. No Sage be firm.

"Look Sage I'm going through a lot." He admits sounding more vulnerable than I've ever heard him.

"And you don't think I am?" I throw him a incredulous look. "That doesn't give you an excuse to play with my feelings. I'm always upfront and honest with you, is it asking too much for you to do the same?" 

"No, fuck it isn't." He grumbles.

"Then what's the problem?" I ask with no malice. I need to know why he chooses to shut me out instead of confiding in me. 

"I don't know." He admits after a beat of silence. He doesn't know?  I hold his gaze trying not to crumble. God, his eyes are so troubled. This wasn't my Xan. Something serious is going and I feel like I may be causing him more pain being here. 

Maybe I should leave.

"It's not you Sage." He says as if reading my mind. It's the most assured thing he's said since I've been there. "It could never be you and I need you to understand that." 

If he means that then why does he keep turning away. What's holding him back?

"I don't know how to do this without fucking everything up." His words are stressed and full of his accent. "I don't know how to deal with these fucking feelings, but I do know one thing." He trails off. "And it's that I want you." Oh. "So fucking much. That part wasn't a lie." His words are final.

"Let me help you then." I offer not meeting his eyes. From the corner of my eye, I see his head shake no. Stubborn man.

"I don't want to burden you with all my baggage. You deserve a man that can love you without coaching." He brings his hand to my jaw forcing me to meet his eyes. "You deserve the world baby."