There's No Changing Fate

(Ch.5)

Ever since that morning, Donghae acted like nothing happened between us. I'd be lucky if he even looked in my direction. I acted like I was fine, and that everything was okay, but I was so close to just breaking down and crying, which surprisingly, hasn't happened yet.

The only people who've noticed how sad I've been were Hyukjae and Jungsu. Hyukjae would probably be as oblivious as the rest of the members, but since we shared a room (and a bed) every night, it was easier for him to tell when I was down.

He seemed to care, but I wasn't about to fully open up to him. I mean, he was Donghae's closest friend in the group, and badmouthing Donghae to him would probably not be the best idea..

Jungsu only noticed because he's the leader of the group, and he's used to dealing with moody members and disheartened dongsaengs.

One day Jungsu approached me and asked if I'd open up to him. I politely declined. No one would understand why I felt this way, unless they've been through the same thing, and I was pretty sure Jungsu never had a long-distance relationship with Donghae.

I sighed and went into Hyukjae's room to lay down and think.

Why didn't Donghae send me back to the States already?

~

Soo Man knocked on the dorm room door a couple hours later with a 'special announcement.' Apparently two more members were being added to '15, Ryeowook and Siwon.

I was ecstatic, actually. The two seemed really nice. Ryeowook explained to everyone else that he was a good cook and would offer to prepare meals for the members, who cheered at the good news. Siwon was passing out bibles to everyone else, calling anyone who didn't accept one a 'nonbeliever.'

Soo Man asked if anyone wanted to switch the assigned rooms. Jongwoon immediately volunteered to room with Ryeowook, which I thought was pretty funny. The way Jongwoon kept staring at Ryeowook made it obvious he was attracted to him.

Sungmin turned to look at Jongwoon. "Yah! What about me, hyung? You can't just forget about all those nights when we-"

Jungsu slapped a hand over his mouth to silence him. "We all know what happened those nights, Sungmin. Please don't make us remember."

Soo Man continued. "Okay, so Sungmin, who do you want to room with?"

"I wanted to stay in my room with Jongwoon, but-"

"How about this. Siwon, you room with Donghee, and Sungmin, you room with Donghae," Youngwoon spoke up. "I'll stay in my room with Jungsu, Heechul and Hangeng will still share, and Hyukjae and Rebekah will stay in a room."

I noticed Donghae clench his jaw at Youngwoon's last sentence.

~

Siwon and Ryeowook fit in perfectly. Jongwoon took Ryeowook to the recording room every day, determined to master him in singing, which he must be pretty good at, since I heard him singing in the shower the first day he arrived. Siwon was naturally nice to everyone, even when Heechul bitched at him stating he 'was an atheist,' and he 'wouldn't be converted no matter how many bibles were left on his nightstand.'

Siwon, being the polite person he is, could tell something was bothering me. Yes, he seemed honest, and truly sincere, but I wouldn't want to influence his impression on Donghae by saying how bad of a person he was, so I moved our conversation to something else, like the new drama that just came out.

It hurt that I was surrounded by people that cared about me, but I was unable to reach out to them.

~

The next day, my ninth day in Korea, I decided to stay in the dorm while everyone went to their respective studios to practice.

I was hungry, so I decided to make a bowl of Ramen and sit on the couch and watch Korean dramas. Soon, I heard the door unlock, meaning someone had come back from their schedule. I wasn't expecting anyone to be back for a few hours, so it surprised me that they'd return so early. What surprised me more was turning around to see just Hyukjae walk in.

"Aren't you supposed to be practicing your dance moves?" I asked, wondering why he returned to the dorms.

"I was, but then I fell and hurt my wrist, so Jungsu-hyung told me to go get some rest."

"Well, isn't that what you should be doing then?" I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess.. But I'm not that tired."

"Aish! Just go lay down. It's almost nighttime anyway."

He smiled. "Okay, but only because you told me to.."

I turned my attention back to the TV and finished eating my Ramen. I put my bowl in the dishwasher and went to Hyukjae's room, looking to get some sleep as well, since I promised Siwon I'd check out how much he's improved in his dancing skills in the morning.

I got under the covers and tried not to wake Hyukjae up, but failed as the added weight on the side of the bed startled him and he shot his head up.

"Sorry I woke you up," I mumbled, getting the rest of the way on the bed.

Hyukjae nodded but refused to say a word. Now what did I do?

We lied next to each other and faced the ceiling. After an awkward silence, Hyukjae turned to me.

"You know, I don't think you're as bad as Donghae makes you out to be."

Oh, so now Donghae is talking shit about me? As if ignoring someone you committed so much of your life to isn't bad enough.

I let a single tear roll down my cheek and instantly regretted letting my guard down. Hyukjae must've noticed it, because he propped himself on his right elbow and wiped the tear away.

"It's okay to cry sometimes, Rebekah. It means you're strong."

At least Hyukjae cared.

That was all I needed to know before I started sobbing into Hyukjae's chest, teardrops drying on his shirt. He kissed the top of my head and held me close to him as I sobbed harder, unable to control myself. By now, the front of his shirt was soaked, and he just took it off, exposing abs I didn't know he was hiding until now.

I wasn't complaining when he pulled me against him and wrapped his arm around my waist. Being in Hyukjae's arms made me feel safe, like nothing could hurt me. Donghae could come barging in the door yelling at us about cuddling while Hyukjae's half naked, but I wouldn't care. With Hyukjae's warmth surrounding me and his hot breath on the nape of my neck, nothing even mattered. I felt secure. I was happy.

Was that what love felt like? Was that what the girls on TV felt when they were in love?

I heard Hyukjae's soft snoring behind me, telling me he was asleep. I closed my eyes about to do the same, but then I heard Hyukjae's voice behind me.

"Rebekah, I think I'm in love with you."