There's No Changing Fate

(Ch.9)

-Nine-

While everyone was backstage preparing for debut, I sat in the front row, under Soo Man's instructions.

They were supposed to perform at eight sharp, but I was still waiting for them to start ten minutes later.

Finally the sapphire blue curtains opened, and fans from all over started applauding.

♫ Don't look for her anymore. She won't have any feelings for you ♫

Who was this song about?

♫ No, that's not it, She's the only one. ♫

That was Hyukjae's line. Why was Donghae singing it?

Hyukjae suddenly stepped forward.

♫ The hidden shadow of my heart puts me in the uncomfortable darkness. ♫

Because hearing that out of Hyukjae's mouth didn't put me in any happier of a mood.

♫ I wanna knock out. No! I'll just reject it all. Knock out. We're living by compromising, I wanna knock out. For all that I want. I'll fight until the end. The reason is I'm alive ♫

I found myself zoning out from the lyrics, and focusing instead on how their bodies just glided across the stage with ease and grace.

♫ I don't really understand, there's only more pain, yeah. I'll fight until the other side of me dies. ♫

Hyukjae then strutted to center stage and did an amazing solo dance. It made me realize that after this performance, I couldn't just go back home to him. I'd have to find somewhere to live, especially since I didn't have enough money for a plane ticket.

♫ I wanna knock out! Inside of me, you're gone to me. Knock out! There isn't any time to waste, I wanna knock out! These pages of my life are my own. Got to get you out of my life! ♫

I couldn't take anymore. I stood up and left the venue.

~

Without Soo Man's knowledge, I walked back to the dorms alone. The outside chill made my arms get goosebumps, but I didn't care. All I had to do was get my stuff and I'd be out of Super Junior's life for good. It was that easy.

I packed up all my suitcases and set them in front of the door. I walked around the dorm one last time, noticing things I've never noticed before, like how Kibum would have to room with Hyukjae after I left because they would be the only two with single rooms, how some members were in such a rush, one of the showers was still dripping, or how Siwon's coveted bible was on the kitchen counter, probably from when Heechul brought it out from Siwon's room when the fight at lunch was occuring.

I thought it'd be best to put it back, that way he knows where it is when he goes to pray to Jesus the next morning about how he only had one drink at the after-party, and don't send me to hell, please!

A piece of paper fell out from the front cover when I picked it up. I grabbed it off the floor without thinking about it, and suddenly realized Hyukjae's writing was on it.I shoved it in my coat pocket to read later.

After putting Siwon's bible back in his nightstand drawer, I grabbed my suitcases and walked out, heading towards the elevator.

~

Fate must loathe me, I thought as I walked down the cold streets of Seoul. I only had a few dollars on me, and I decided to spend some of it at a cafe on the corner.

I sat on a bar stool by myself and ordered a latte, my luggage crowding the nearby floor. I thought of how pathetic I must look, sitting at a cafe all alone. I thought of some way for Super Junior to forgive me, and let me stay with them again.

But they didn't want me, did they? I mean Hyukjae basically told me he'd never see me again, and other than the debut stage, the last time I saw Donghae, he was in tears. Jungsu might not totally hate me and-

My thinking was cut off by a younger man, no more than 17, behind me at a booth singing quietly to himself as he waited for his drink to be served to him.

My eyes widened. This. This was perfect.