The Letters of Knight and Heir

Letter #13 (Unsent)

Dear Knight,

I fear I have grown repetitious, but I've gone mad with covetous emotions. I think I'm a bottle filled with anxiety and longing for you. I crave you, in the castle, in my room, in my bed, and the only way I can uncork the bottle is to write it down and let it spill out.

I urgently require your presence, in any form.

Every day I do not see you, these eyes of mine, aching with anguish, deceives me, casting your appearance onto the most unusual assortment of characters. This visage begs for your touch, and my lips plead for yours like a lost sinner pleads for salvation. My entire body has abandoned my conviction and mind, demanding that I find you, no matter the cost.

I've lost all composure, and any hope that you could be free from harm, avoiding me, has been quickly extinguished. It's as if my doubt was but an infinitesimal candle deprived of air. Was it doubt? Did I doubt your commitment? Or did I pray that it was a matter as straightforward as treachery? Was I so disturbed at losing you as you are that I took the easy way out?

If you had been deceitful, forsaking our love for another, then I would languish and wail for days on end, perhaps even months, but I could move on. I would know you as unfaithful and disturbed, someone I misjudged. I could annihilate your existence to me, incriminating you as a liar and hypocrite.

Or have I become so foolishly lovesick that I would be muddled enough to forgive you? That even if you left and abandoned me, I'd forgive your infidelity and disloyalty? Pleased to be kissed by you, an apprentice of Judas?

If I truly have become so unreasonable, so blinded by love, how could I handle your loyalty? The idea that you would walk through the flames of war for me, as you've done once before? If after all this hope and doubt alike, - are they even distinguishable anymore? - becoming so ludicrous as to absolve you of all guilt, you are as absurd as me, I will perish on the spot.

It may be an empty prospect, the ramblings of a fool, but how could I believe anything else to be true?

Please be heading home intact, wishing for me as I wish for you. Be the same knight I fell head over heels with, the same person who showed me what it was like to love and be loved in return. Be my chivalrous chevalier, the one who calls me expletives to my face when I'm being a rascal and lovingly kisses each and every injury I sustain until the pleasure outweighs the pain.

I wrote I would wait for you till the end of time and only now do I believe it.

Yearning for You,

Your Lover