Savior 🔞

°42

The first thing I register is their voices, low and clearly upset. I don't move, or even open my eyes, trying to hear what they're saying.

"Hyung... I don't know what happened... I just got... mad... It flashed and I couldn't control it."

"Well, look what it caused Jungkook-ah. You have to think about her health. Her blood pressure is high again, and I don't know if she could live through pre-eclampsia another time..."

"I didn't mean to upset her... It all just hit me at once when she said everything would be alright if we're together... Hyung... I have always said that, but she leaves me every time... I just feel like I'm waiting for the next time she does... I won't be able to go through it again."

"I understand you Jungkook... I really do... But imagine all the things she's had to survive... All the broken promises she's endured... The only people who ever loved her, before she had to come to Korea, are dead... Her own mother... Look what she did, Jungkook-ah..."

"You think I don't know this? I love her so much Hyung... I'm here, and have always been, but she leaves anyway... I have repeatedly promised to protect her, and never leave... But she doesn't have faith enough to stay... I'm scared...  She pretended to be dead for fucks sake... Part of me knows it was all to protect me, but it makes me feel like she thinks I'm weak... I'm not good enough to protect her. The next time something hard comes along, will she just leave again?"

I couldn't take it anymore... I hate myself so much, and the guilt sets my body moving quickly to the bathroom. I hear them both calling my name, but I slam the door and lock it. How could I expect this beautiful man to continue to want me after all the ways I've hurt him? It was never him that I ran from... It was me... I'm not good enough, and I know he's finally figuring it out.

I feel like I'm drowning in my tears, and I begin to gag. Hovering over the toilet, I feel the burning bile running up my throat and out my mouth. It's like fire burning me from the inside out. My head is exploding in pain, and I can't catch my breath as I continue to dry heave over the toilet. I hear them knocking and yelling to me, but I can't move from my position. I miss my Dad... I wish he could be here to tell me what's right...

I collapse sideways, clutching my head as the door bursts open.

"Shit! Sophia!"

There's an incredible roaring noise in my head that makes everything seem muffled. I know I'm being moved, but I feel weak all over.

"Sophia-ah? Please baby... Open your eyes for me... I need you to look at me love... Please!"

"Jungkook... Move away... Let me check her. Go and get some cool washcloths, and bring them to me... Call the front desk and ask if there's a doctor on staff..."

"I can't lose her Hyung... I can't..."

"You won't... Now move and do what I asked."

Hoseok

I don't blame Jungkook for finally cracking. I've been surprised that he's remained patient over the years, as the woman he loves runs away. It's a true testament to how much he really does adore her though. I wish he could have held back this time. Seeing Sophia's pale figure right now, I'm scared.

The doctor came, and after checking her, told us that she urgently needs to go to the hospital. We're sitting with her, waiting on the ambulance, and I see Jungkook breaking. He's blaming himself, and I'm not going to tell him he shouldn't. He knows that her stress ties into her predisposition to complications with the pregnancy, so he should have controlled himself. I love my brother, but Sophia is my fragile sister, and I have a weakness for her. My own anger at him right now makes it impossible to comfort him.