To Be Astrid

Epilogue

Mummy -

"Can I stay for a bit?", Astrid asked suddenly, "I don't really have a job, or a place to stay. I think this is the situation where most people would come running back to Mum."

The Oracle laughed a bit and kissed the top of her head before turning to her own parents, "It's your house but I can only put in a strong word for her."

"No, yes, of course she can stay", Rory nodded immediately.

"After all she's-", Amy paused once more, "-our-"

The group all laughed again and Astrid took it upon herself to finish, "Family."

"Oh, yes, family. I like that", Amy breathed out and joined the laughter.

"You mentioned the Doctor was a grandfather", Rory suddenly pointed out.

"Oh, let's not go there yet, shall we?", the Oracle chuckled a bit sadly before turning the conversation back to explaining the meteor shower to which the whole group gladly listened.

So, Astrid stayed for two years. That first night, she crawled into bed with her mum and cuddled in close. She cried a bit and told her everything that had happened on the Byzantium. The Oracle held and reassured her through it.

"Can I tell you something and you'll keep it secret?", she whispered into the darkness when Astrid was done.

She just nodded into her chest.

"He gets scared a lot. We both do. Everyone does. No matter how much you see, you'll always be scared. We hide it, of course. People rely on us, you rely on us, to stay strong and solve problems, and we always do, don't we?"

She nodded again.

The Oracle smiled into the darkness and rubbed her back, "And sometimes you'll see a spark of it. Frustration, anger, those are usually just expressions of people hiding their fear. And I know you want us to be fearless and stronger than you, and we do our best. But we're not, and that's okay. Fear is okay, fear is normal, and it's formed us, everyone, your dad and me more than most. That doesn't make us weak, and it shouldn't make you weak."

"I wasn't weak. I was scared, and I was mad at him because he yelled at River and Amy. And because he listened to that Bishop over me. And he made us leave Amy behind when it was clearly wrong-"

"Oh, my star, I know, and I'm so sorry", she said softly and pulled her closer, kissing her head, "We make mistakes. Another thing you should know, people make mistakes, everyone does, and sometimes they hurt others. That doesn't mean we don't love them. You see, he didn't know any better, and he made a mistake, but you survived, and Amy survived, and River survived, that's what matters."

"So many didn't."

"And you're affected. You always will be. That's a good thing. I'm always affected. Your dad is always affected. You can start to worry when you think we aren't affected anymore. Resignation is the worst emotion, especially on your father."

"I always thought scared Dad was the worst Dad", Astrid chuckled a bit through her tears.

"No, scared Dad is a very good Dad. It's affected Dad. It means he cares and it means he'll try harder to work through it. Resigned Dad is the worst Dad."

"Because it means he isn't affected."

"Worry when he isn't affected, Astrid. You and I - we're probably the only people who know what he feels, any time-"

"You more than me", she interrupted her.

"A bit, yeah", she chuckled a bit, "Don't ever stop caring, and don't ever let him stop caring. You might as well stop right there. You don't need to travel, see and save the universe if you don't care about it."

"I think Octavian told him not to trust me", she then said.

The Oracle snorted slightly, "Oh, so that's why he didn't take that warning too seriously and kept trusting River."

"What do you mean?", Astrid raised her head slightly to look at her.

"Oh, my miraculous star, you're the most important thing in the Doctor's universe. If anyone were to ever say something about you that didn't appeal to him, know for sure anything else they say goes in one ear and out the other. No one has ever been as protective over someone as your father is over you."

"Felt like he believed him", Astrid muttered.

"You know, there are so many emotions your dad feels all the time, and when you don't know what it is, rest assured, he loves you and to him, and to me, you'll always be the most important person in the room."

"Oh, come on", she groaned sarcastically in disbelief.

"Why wouldn't you believe that?", the Oracle smiled confused.

"Well, I don't know, you have each other. And you and River, that's such a big deal. And then you have your parents now. Ooo, Aunt Martha, you'd do anything for her", Astrid started counting.

"You know, there are few things I wouldn't do for Martha, River, the Doctor and my parents. But you're my star, the most important person in the universe. The best thing to ever happen to me. So much pain surrounds the history of my family, and then there's you, my daughter, light of my life."

"Mum", Astrid smiled happily, tears of joy brimming her eyes, "I'm not the most important person in the universe."

"Who told you that?", they were now both sitting up in bed and the Oracle cupped Astrid's cheeks gently.

"I don't know, no one, but, I mean, you're a goddess, Dad is the Oncoming Storm- I just have so much to live up to, it's a bit scary."

"You don't have to fill any shoes, we're very capable of doing that ourselves, thank you very much", the Oracle chuckled, "But seriously, your mere existence makes me proud and now you've been on your own feet for twenty years. And now I've got you back, so I couldn't be happier."

They laid back down and Astrid laid upon the Oracle's chest again, listening to her hearts, until she dared to ask, "Mum. Why did you have me?"

She heard the breath hitch in her throat and her heartbeats going a bit irregular. Then she asked barely above a whisper, "What do you mean?"

"You've had children before. I mean, you told me about them all. I'm just wondering why you wanted more."

With her fingers running through Astrid's hair, the Oracle let a tear roll in the darkness and said, "Have I ever told you the story about Donna, the Doctor, me and Agatha Christie?"

...