♡Run Boy Run♡

29 Freedom

Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I won't be forgiven by everyone back at home. Maybe I won't be forgiven by anyone for what I've committed. But I can't even worry. I haven't felt homesick, or guilty, or scared. Maybe I should be scared for not being scared.

I just wish he didn't blame himself so much for what I did. I chose to be here. I chose to shoot the bullets, to shed blood. I feel numb to it.

At the same time I haven't felt like myself since we left the Andrews house that night. With blood on my hands. I don't think things could ever go back to how they used to be, to who I used to be. Tristan hasn't been the same either. With his dad gone. That part of Tristan's life left with him. Or so I thought.

The light that's trying to peek through the dark void of this situation, is the fact that this means a new beginning is ahead of us. We can start a new life together, like we always wanted.

Maybe the way we got here wasn't a part of our plan, but fate has a funny way of working out like that.

Tristan's P.O.V

I stay sat with my legs stretched out in the sand as I watch Hannah's expression, the smile on her face illuminated with bright orange reflections of light from the campfire in between us.

She dances around the flames with her hands intertwined with Orion's (Fosters Girlfriend). Both of them dancing with wide grins spread across their faces, reaching to their eyes.

I feel a tap to my knee and my attention catches to Foster holding out a joint for me to take, I take it from him and put it to my lips, inhaling a long hit... I missed this.

For as much of a fuck up that I can be. For once in my life, I feel some peace in how far I've come.

I've never felt closer to Hannah.

But still, I can't shake the guilt I'm holding on my shoulders. I can't shake being so tied down by my past. The devil still haunts me.

I just can't allow myself to show it.

I pass the joint back to Foster before turning my gaze back onto Hannah. "You can't carry the burden of your fathers mistakes on your shoulders forever." I hear come from Foster and look back at him, as he's exhaling the smoke from his hit.

"What makes you bring that up?" I stare at his expression with an angled brow.

He looks at me in the eye with that familiar impatience, and I shake off the obviousness to my expression with a humorous grin. "I don't know anyone who knows you better than me, and when I see that look in your eyes, when you look at that girl, all you can think about is how much your past is gonna come back and bite you in the ass. And now you've got your girl just as wrapped up in your own bullshit as your damn self." Foster says to me.

He takes another drag of the joint, before exhaling and passing it back to me. "Yeah congratu-fucking-lations smartass." He shakes his head. "Quit acting like a fool. You weren't raised in this business to be fronting the way you've been."

"It's getting to my head bad man." I take a couple hits, finishing the joint before putting it out. "But you're right I've got my own shit to worry about. I've gotta get my shit together to keep what me & her have going, I can't ignore that." I say as I look down into the flame of the fire.

"Just get your head back in the game before we really fuck our selves over." He pushes my head down, and I whack him in the back of the head.

I shake off my smile from our interaction, and place my attention back to Hannah. Who's now sitting, having a conversation with Orion across from Foster and I. The campfire acting as a barrier between the four of us.

I can't help but to feel that knot in my stomach tug on me, like I'm pulling myself in the wrong direction. Foster is someone who always brings me back into the harsh realities of life.

No matter how close I think I've gotten to freedom. He reminds me how far I really am from it. How I may never reach it.

Neither of us have ever really known what it means to have freedom. We've worked our asses off to get where we are. But whatever you're born into, seems to stick with you no matter how hard you try to run from it.

No matter how hard I try. I can't escape my own blood. More or less my own skin. Believe me I've made my attempts.

Yet somehow the worst thing that's ever happened to me in this life, is also the best thing to ever happen. And that's finding a reason to keep living. A reason to really find freedom. What ever that looks like.

Hannah is the closest thing to it that I've felt. Knowing her has made me discover parts of myself that I never knew existed. It's also made me realize how much I have to work on. And how much she really needs me.

Better reason to not slip up and make any stupid decisions from here on out.