A Different Kind of Hell [ Silmarillion ] 3

Chapter 12: Valley of Tears

LAKE MITHRIM

It should've been comforting, looking up into the sky and seeing a familiar sight amidst the confusing darkness of this new shore. It should've made her feel connected. It should've been a prayer answered, the bright white moon that now hung in the sky.

But Eve didn't find comfort in the Moon. It couldn't fill the ache in her chest. Somehow that ache only grew.

Káno never liked it when she wandered. None of them did, really, even Curvo becoming more protective— possessive even— since they'd returned to Mithrim missing not one king, but two.

Anger surged up in her again as she sat upon a small hill at the edge of the settlement. Eve's fingers dug into the grass around. She felt the cold earth underneath her fingernails. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes.

Fëanáro had been a fool. Fire did nothing but raze hopes to the ground. He'd deserved the death that came for him. There was no seed of pity in her heart for that man, not anymore.

But Nelyo... Her throat clenched as she tried, and failed, to release the tufts of grass in her tight fists. She ripped them away from the ground with a tug and a tear. Trembling, she tried to open her hands again.

She tried. She willed herself to release those tiny green blades from beneath her paled fingers. It took all her concentration, tearing her eyes from the Moon hanging in the sky.

Anger at Nelyo surged up in her again as she released the grass to her sit, but dirt remained caked into the grooves and crevices of her palms. Stained first with blood, then with tears, and now the dirt of the earth. Eve wasn't sure she would ever clean them.

And Nelyo had had the nerve to leave her alone in this world. Chills crawled down her spine. He'd left her! Eve scrunched up her face, trying to will the tears away as all she could think of was the last time she'd seen him, riding away into battle with bronze armor sparkling in the sun. She hadn't said goodbye. She'd been too angry at him.

Eve slammed her right fist into the ground. A shock of pain cascaded back through her arm into her chest. Anger consumed her again in the silent isolation beneath the moon. Now she'd never get the chance to say goodbye. First her Earthly family, then Nerdanel, then Finno and Pityo and now Nelyo. Eve wished she could say it would be the last.

Fëanáro may have been a fool, but Eve was not, and she knew it would not be the last.

As a soft wind blew from the west and ruffled her hair, Eve looked up from her seat in the grass at the hill. With her gaze she traced the constellations that crowned the moon. Tears began to cloud her vision.

Eve screamed through her tears. It faded into silence. There wasn't even an echo as she stared at the mountains that had stolen the one person she had finally started to forgive.

As tears streamed down her cheeks, the dirt at the edges of her face making her eyes sting, she choked out sobs. How had He let this happen? She had thought God was looking down at her from the heavens in Valinor, not just Eru but also the one she'd been raised to love. The prayers she'd spoken in the silence of the winter woods near Taniquetil before her engagement escaped her.

Eve lowered her gaze. She looked away from the crown of stars, down at the dark grasses and hard mountains on the dark horizon line. Coldness gripped her chest, so unlike the fire that she'd been using to keep herself going ever since the world had plunged into darkness.

Hate had fueled her. Now regret took its place.

Hundreds of years among the elves had taught her to know when she wasn't alone. But as she felt her chest collapsing beneath the weight of the absence of the fire that had kept her going, she didn't care enough to find what had joined her.

Blades were drawn. Eve closed her eyes. She didn't want to see the Heavens when death came. She'd wandered far from camp and would get what she deserved.

"Lady Elmendë!"

Elves. She still wouldn't respond, though she knew the voice that had spoken. Hyamindo, one of Nelyo's youngest captains. Another wave of grief washed over her. Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath and returned to staring out at the Moon as it steadily traveled to its zenith.

"Lady Elmendë, are you all right?"

It didn't take long for the shoulder-length brown hair and steel-plated armor of Hyamindo to come into frame. He had gentle features. Sometimes Eve wondered how young he was, but she'd never asked. She guessed he couldn't be much older than Arakáno.

"I'm fine."

She hoped the small smile she offered him would convince the man. But as he knelt in front of her and held out his hand, eyes darting up and down her unarmored frame, she guessed not. Eve took his hand and allowed herself to be helped up.

"You should not wander from the borders, my Lady."

"I lost track of the perimeter."

A lie, and one she figured Hyamindo could see straight through, but she was still held as royalty to many and he didn't call her out on it.

"Next time you wander, take an escort." Hyamindo frowned, looking from her back towards the three peaks where they both knew Nelyo had been taken. Then he turned back. "Please, my lady. We cannot lose another."

Hyamindo had been one of the few to survive the sham negotiations where they'd lost her brother. Chosen as a messenger, he'd been dispatched when the fighting started to retrieve more men. But no matter how many men he'd have gathered, they could not have stopped the capture.

There were about a dozen soldiers standing a few feet back, a mix of Káno and Nelyo's forces. Káno had refused to take the kingship with Nelyo still alive in the depths of Morgoth's realm but he still led them. She wasn't sure if the rest of her brothers would've spared men to look for her.

A tiny flicker of fury burned in her empty soul again. Nelyo had apologized for the Ships. She still had heard nothing out of the others.

From what she could tell, still unwilling to speak to her brothers, Káno had thrown himself into silent work trying to keep their houses together. Tyelko was rarely seen on the shores of the lake. He preferred to ride far into danger. What few Hunters still lived and had made the journey busied themselves training others in what Oromë had first taught. Curvo, with Moryo's assistance, had been hard at work gathering materials for arms. Where Telvo wandered, Eve wasn't sure.

Her throat burned as she tried to breathe deeply of the open air on their walk back into the settlements. She tasted blood. Eve didn't think she'd screamed that loud, but maybe she had? Her heart ached enough for it. One by one they were falling. Always alone, always without warning.

Eve didn't want to think about what Morgoth was doing to Nelyo. She couldn't wish for his death, not know that she'd finally found it in her heart to forgive him, but perhaps such desires were selfish. Maybe death would bring release for him.

She glanced up. The stars looked less like a crown and more like teardrops in a black canvas around the moon. Tears. She closed her eyes again, stopping. She could not find it in her heart to reach out to her God. But she supposed, maybe, what she needed was a mother to take her hand and reach for Him...To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping, in this valley of tears...

Eve shuddered, opening her eyes after her silent prayer. What was it the herald of Mandos had said? Tears unnumbered ye shall shed?