When It Rains

Extreme Rain

Deepa is lying on Archana's lap. Archana pat on her head. Deepa started weeping.
" Its ok dear.  Its ok. Forget the past. We forgave. But you should be a good girl. Promise me".
" I promise you Amma, I will be your good daughter. When you get your Anu back, Please don't abandon me . Will you love me then also?" Deepa asked.
" My heart have enough space for our children.  I can afford you and Kiran too. Don't be jealous to my Anu and Nandu. I know you both are jealous to them".  Archana smiled and warned.

Though Deepa too smiled, her heart had a pain like a sword wounded it.  Whenever she hears the name of Anand, she feel the same pain.  She knows he is no more. But till now nobody showed the courage to tell the truth to Asok and Archana. And his murder is till now not reported.  When Asok's case again came into light, media started enquiring about Anand.  Kiran said, he is in abroad. He couldn't give any explanation to media because he was scared of Asok's health.  He know, Asok cannot withstand that . So both Ben and Kiran handled it nicely. In history there are a lot of missing and murders are hidden by wrong doers. And Anand also remained as a mystery.

Deepa's POV
I don't remember the face of my own Amma. But I remember the warmth of her chest. I remember the sweetness of her breastmilk. One day I started missing it. She never came to hold me. She never came to feed me. I cried.  I don't know , my memory is my own creativity or not, but the truth is I miss my parents a lot. I love my amma.  I knew that I was abandoned. May be my little mind thought like that, " my parents don't like me, so they abandoned me. Or else where are they?" .  And there were two little hands wrapped me then and now. My brother's hands.  I don't know when I started hating him.  It was not hate.  I have no words to explain it.  I only know the pain in body. I was too tiny. I don't remember anyone, I don't remember anything . I don't know the number of men used and throw me like a trash in the street. And the locked up and sadistic torture by that psycho man... actually I don't remember anything properly. I only knows they all had a genital organ different from me. And they used it to hurt me.  I was scared of it. I only remember the pain. And the day when we escaped from that beast's bungalow , my brother held my hands tightly and we ran fast.  On the way I told him that, " I want to pee".  And under a tree we passed urine.  Then I realized something.  My brother too have the same genital organ as those beasts.  I never noticed it before. He would give bath to me. But I never saw him nude. And that was the moment I started hating my brother too. If someone ask me is it a strong reason to hate men or own brother? My answer is stand in my shoes and tell.  He again tried to catch my hand to run, but I pushed his hands away.  We hid in a church for whole night.  A priest came. Though he was wearing a divine dress, he too was a man, I knew he too had the same weapon as beasts. Without any reason I hated him.  Thus I started hating men. I am not a feminist.  You will find out the reasons.  For me both men and women are alike. A woman can torture even more than a man.  My past taught me that. I never knew what is love. Then how can I love someone?  I was scared so I didn't understand my brother's love and care. I liked to ran away from him.  And the day , my adopted parents took me away from him from the orphanage, I had no feelings . I really didn't have any pain in my heart . I even didn't say a goodbye to him. But I saw my brother was crying. He said, "he can't live without me. He have no one". But I stood there without any feeling. If I truly speak, I never loved my adopted parents too. I behaved strangely. I was not loving. Still I am not. I never got love from anyone, then how can I be a loving child?  I was a trouble maker.

My adopted parents had no
Children.  They were a loving couple. After years I understood my mom had problem to conceive. She had many miscarriages.  Doctor said there is no possibility. She would try to kiss me and hug me.  But I would push away her. I never loved them back. My dad was also a gentleman.  But for me all men were same.  I never watched his love towards me.  Because  of my stubbornness they  didn't get chance to  express there love to me.  I never allowed it. Or I never wanted anyone's love.  I thought like that.  I lived in that house as an alien.