Fear & Desire ❤️‍🔥

T is for teammates, oh, and trauma

After sending Bucky off to his room despite his reluctance, you showered psyching yourself up to tell the rest of the avengers that you'd join. As this room had technically, unofficially become yours, you ensured that you had a spare change of clothes incase you were carried to bed again after a drunken night at one of Starks parties. Changing, you stepped towards the door. As you approached it, you remembered what happened with Loki. It was an awkward situation of course, walking in on your friend half naked with her boyfriend, but he didn't seem embarrassed, he seemed hurt. Betrayed. Why would he have felt betrayed? Pushing your thoughts to the back off your head, you called out to JARVIS.

"Jar" you shouted and got no reply.

"JARVIS?".

"Yes ma'am".

"Call all the avengers to the meeting room please, tell them—".

"Yes ma'am" Jarvis replied cutting you off.

"JARVIS that's rude" you said scowling at the ceiling.

"So is not using my name correctly" JARVIS replied.

"You're getting way too advanced"you chuckled putting your fingers on your temples.

"What message would you like me to relay?" JARVIS asked.

"Tell them I have something to say. Please".

"Consider it done".

With that, you began walking towards the meeting room but not before casting a glance at Loki's room.

When you arrived, you saw everyone in the room including Bucky who gave you a wide reassuring smile. You felt flustered thinking about the fact that this respectful man with his puppy dog eyes was two fingers knuckle deep into you just over an hour ago. Returning the smile, you looked towards the corner of the room where you saw Loki staring at you with flared nostrils. Confused, you just gave him a tight lipped smile. You were still deeply abashed that he had caught you half naked earlier on.

Breaking the news, you were met with cheers and applauds. Natasha was over the moon that she'd have you back working side by side with her. You'd both spent a lot of time at S.H.I.E.L.D together working, partying, getting drunk, having fun, experimenti—

"Y/N, welcome to the team" Steve said patting your back.

Everyone congratulated you individually except for Loki who just observed. Perhaps he was ill. As he began to exit, walking towards the elevator, you left the team and followed him. If something was bothering him you ought to know especially if there was a chance you could fix it. Not that you'd tell him but Loki had become your best friend in this short space of time. His kind words, his poems, his companionship were all meaningful and amiable. He didn't stop the doors from closing as you nearly got shut out but luckily you made it.

"What?" You asked looking up at him as you both stood shoulder to shoulder in the elevator.

"I haven't done anything" Loki replied emphasising the 'I'".

"I assume I have then" you said laughing and gesturing to yourself.

"Hmm" Loki scoffed not returning your playful demeanour.

"What's the matter Loki? Im sorry about earlier but you shouldn't have just barged into my room like that" you explained looking up at him.

"Whatever" he replied unbothered by your apology.

"Why are you acting like this, what aren't you telling me?" You demanded becoming slightly irritated by Loki's foul mood.

"Nothing that concerns you" he said, slightly raising his voice.

"Alright alright" you said defeated, lifting your hands in the air.

"NO ITS NOT ALRGHT!" He shouted causing you to instantly step back.

"Loki chill out" you said beginning to drum your fingers on your thumb as you looked at him.

"CHILL OUT?" He roared turning completely to face you as he towered over you. You were both so caught up in this heated moment that you didn't realise that the elevator had stopped moving but the doors hadn't opened.

"Loki step back" you said weakly wincing.

"Go on" Loki said in a cheery manner "what do you fear?".

"Stop it" you ordered as the drumming became faster.

"Or are you going to make me force it out of you" he said more menacingly stepping closer to you as you walked backwards until your back hit the corner of the elevator.

"Loki stop you're scaring me" you pleaded.

"You're not the only one with magic" he forewarned venomously.

Shrieking, you felt Loki looking through your mind. Your teary eyes met his baleful ones.

"STOP IT" you begged feeling him get closer and closer to his goal. It was almost painful. You were frozen in shock. Terror. Fear. How could he do this? Loki. Your friend. Your best friend. The disloyalty was torturous.

"This is just delightful" he cheered feeling himself getting closer and closer and closer until he fell silent. A look of compunction, and shame painted his face as he staggered backwards.

"Oh" he breathed out covering his mouth with his hand.

You felt him retreat from your mind and you fell to the floor hugging your knees to your chest, hitting your thumb with your fingers as your widened eyes stared at the ground as if you were in a trance. You saw what he saw. It was as if you lived through it all again. The trauma, the loss, the grief, the fear, the abandonment.
You didn't hear Loki calling out to you. You didn't hear JARVIS assuring that the elevator had been repaired. You didn't hear when the doors opened. All you felt was Loki trying to pick you up. Yelping, you stood up and bolted towards the stairs.

You ran. You kept running. Running. Away. Tears fell down your cheeks as you relived everything. You ran and ran.