Lonely {Hemmings}

Prolouge

**this takes place at the same time calum was writing his journal in 'Pain'**

"I-I think I love you." I said to the boy in front of me. His eyes resembled a brown citrine gemstone and his wrapped up arms made me think of how much I wanted to care for him. I needed him to love me back, and in that moment is felt he just might say he did. We had been friends for a while and he didn't know I . . .  swung that way but I trusted him enough to tell him.

"You're gay?" He questioned.

"Yeah."

He looked at me in the soft light that erupted from the small lamp on his bed side table and laughed.

"What? Why are you laughing?" I asked.

There was a pregnant silence until he spoke again.

"Bro, are you joking?" He laughed.

"No, no, I'm not joking I mean it, I love you Calum."

I started to tear up as he laughed some more. How could he do this? Why was he laughing at me, I was confessing to him and he was laughing?

He kept laughing for a couple minutes more until he saw how serious I was being.

"Wait, you're serious? You love me? Like in a Boyfriend-Boyfriend way?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

He stared at me for a while.

I wanted him to break down like I was just about to do. I wanted him to cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be alright, and that he wouldn't leave me even though he wasn't gay. Instead he just looked at me and said, "We can't- I'm not-". He stopped.

"I know you're not homosexual but I'm just asking you to consider . . . us."

"Us? Dude, the only us there is, is us as friends not making out and shît; we can't do that."

I felt tears falling down now. He stood up from his bed and said, "Does your mom even know about this? Have you told anyone else?"

"No." I whimpered. I rubbed my eyes and sniffled, "You're the only one who knows."

He cringed at me and paced around his room. "What made you gay?"

I made a face at him, "What do you mean what made me gay? I've always been like this, I was born attracted to boys."

He looked away from me and rubbed his bandaged arms.

"I've never met a gay person."

"You make me sound like I'm a myth or something."

Calum locked eyes with me and cringed again. "You're wrong, you're like seventeen you don't know what you are."

"I know exactly who I fûcking am, stop acting like this you're making it seem like you hate me."

He turned his head and chuckled again. "You don't love me. You just think you love me, you're probably still just hung on Kasandra."

Now he was making me mad. I wiped my tears away and stood up. "Don't tell me who I fûcking am. I know who I am and I love your snotty ignorant ass way more than I should," I paused for a minute. "I've never met anyone like me, I just was hoping maybe you could see that I do have feelings for you and maybe you would try but you won't and that's ok . . .  I guess."

I started my way to the door,

"Im just so lonely."

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