It's Our Secret

Chapter 9 - Ettie Vs Keira

I woke up the next day to find that Leah had already left, most likely to go to training. I was set to meet Millie, Sam and Erin in the city, for some rest and relaxation. We had a great day in the town, and Sam made us go to a variety of shoe stores, as she loves to purchase expensive pieces.

"Sam, I know nothing about shoes," I said to her, as she walked me into a store.
"Yeah, but I want your opinion, even if you don't get it."
"You really think Ettie is gonna know more about shoes than me, do you?" Erin said, her accent thick against my own. Despite growing up in Manchester, and my family having thick Manchester accents, mine is quite soft. Living in London the past few weeks, and then previously being surrounded by so many different people from a variety of places, has meant that my accent has adapted and changed.

Sam bought a pair of shoes, and soon later, I returned back to my apartment. I was on the couch, scrolling through instagram, when I saw some pictures from the Arsenal training session from today. The first few were photos of Manuela, Kim, Viv, and Lisa. The last picture was of Leah and Jordan. They were sitting beside each other, tying their laces, talking and laughing. They seemed okay. Something sunk within me, and I felt a pit in my stomach, deeper than I had felt before.

Soon, I got a call from Leah. I was scared to pick it up. I didn't know what it was going to say. I didn't know what she was going to say.
"Hey," I said into the phone.
"Hey, Ett." Her aura had returned to the Leah everyone knew - the strong, capable, independent person.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," she started to say, her voice different, "Jords and I were talking, and I think I'm going back tonight. I'll see how it all goes but, I don't know, I can't give up on it. You know?" Her London accent was so powerful, and made everything she said so much stronger.
"Yeah, that's completely understandable."
"I'm sorry, Ett. Really sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all." But deep down, I felt hurt. Felt betrayed. I put myself out there for her, again, and nothing materialised. That's life though. "Listen, I'll see you in camp next week, yeah?" I felt her voice quiver on the other end of the phone, after I suggested not seeing her for over a week.
"Oh, yes, see you then." I hung up the phone, and buried my hands into my face. I guess that is that. Leah's gone back to Jordan. Leah and Jordan. I guess their names have a ring to them. Leah and Ettie. Maybe, not as much.

I wanted to phone someone, tell them about what had happened, but no one knew. No-one knew about me and Leah. I didn't have anyone that was removed from the situation, someone that I could trust full heartedly. I was alone. I had no one.

I didn't eat that night, and instead went straight to bed. I took a few sleeping pills, not wanting to have to go through the extreme sleeping problems I used to face. I woke up the next morning, headed to training, and went on with everything. I tried my best not to show how broken I truly was, but it was difficult. I hated retreating back to the shy kid who arrived at the club, but I couldn't fake a face or appearance. I couldn't be someone who I wasn't. The week went slowly and agonising. My teammates, I could tell, knew something was up, but did not want to pressure me. They didn't want to trap me into something I wasn't comfortable with, which made me feel good and respected.

The trip up to Manchester was very fun and did take my mind of everything. It was my first away trip with Chelsea, and the bus ride was Chaos. I sat beside Sam, and across from us were Erin and Millie.

"I have some news," Sam said to me, as Erin and Millie were napping.
"Ooo, tell me!" I said, turning my body to hers.
"May or may not be talking to someone new," she said, smiling.
"You have to tell me now."
"Ok, ok, let me first explain. We're keeping it on the down low for now, and I can't really tell Millie, and to be honest, I probably shouldn't be telling you either, but I just need to tell someone who isn't Indi!" As she said this, she laughed.
"Just tell me! Who is it?" I asked, frustrated that she still hadn't told me.
"Okay, it's Kristie. Kristie Mewis." I was kind of shocked. I never knew they were friends, or even knew of each other.
"How did that happen?" I asked, intrigued.
"India Harrison happened," Sam replied. Indi is good friends with both Sam and Kristie, and how she managed to get her two best friends talking, I will not understand.
"Wow, she really is a magician," I said laughing.
"I just," Sam started to say, "I don't want people knowing, and that includes them." Sam looked at Millie and Erin, and then back at me.
"Yeah I understand. But, you should know that Rachel's actually got a new girlfriend anyways." Rachel told me a few weeks ago that she had started seeing someone new. I was quite shocked seeing how soon it had been after her break up with Kristie, but I guess some people need longer than others.
"Yeah, Millie Turner," Sam said, already knowing the answer.
"So, no need to worry too much." As we kept talking, Millie soon woke up. We had to terminate our conversation, as Sam didn't want Millie knowing, as Kristie didn't want Rachel knowing. Too many secret relationships that, for me, it was all hard to keep up with.