It's Our Secret

Chapter 41 - Leah

Leah's POV

Keira has always been my best friend. When we first started going through the England teams together, we knew we could rely on each other. She made me feel safe and secure in an environment that was rough and hard. Throughout our years as being best friends, Ettie was always there too. She was Keira's twin sister after all. Her shyness and quietness often made it hard for her to make friends. She kept to herself and just got on with the job - and that was to play professional football.

Ettie and I had never been extremely close. We were civil, and we talked, but it had always been me with Keira and Ettie with Georgia. We did have a small thing when we were sixteen, but it turned into nothing. Too many factors contributed to the reasons we shouldn't and couldn't ever be together.

But, when Ettie moved down to London and we started seeing each other more regularly, it became apparent to me how perfect she was. She was kind, generous, and made me feel safe, just as Keira did. She supported me, and loved me when I thought the world was against me. I knew then that she was something special, and I couldn't lose her again.

When I broke up with Jordan, the first thing I did was tell Ettie. I knew that we were meant to be together. I could feel it coursing through my veins. She tried to deny it, but I knew it was going to happen. And it did. It happened. When she first kissed me, it felt like a million fireworks were going off in my chest, and my heart was beating one thousand beats a second. It was everything. It was perfect.

I've never been an emotional person. I am often regarded as being strong, fierce and unemotional, and that is what I am, usually. I like to present a facade of strength, but sometimes, some people can change you. They can make you become someone else. And that's what Ettie did. She softened me, and I loved her for that.

I wanted to keep our relationship low key. Not only because we had Keira to worry about, but I also had Jordan. Before Jordan and I got together, she was my closest friend at Arsenal. I'd always admired her and her skill, and when we broke up, I didn't want to lose her. We both promised each other that. We both knew we were going to stay close, so I didn't want to hurt her by announcing a new relationship so quickly after my previous one had just ended.

As Ettie and Keira went on their six month hiatus, I knew why. Although Ettie didn't specifically tell me, I knew she had told Keira, and I could tell it didn't go well. I was forced out of the apartment for several days at a time, despite living there and something changed within Ettie. Not only was her heart a massive issue for her to deal with, but also having to cope with falling out with Keira was tough.

When Keira came around, we both had mutually decided to still keep it low key. We didn't want to make it a big deal. I had officially become the English captain and Ettie was still trying to manage her heart while playing professional football.

That's why, when Jordan walked into the locker room, I knew it was all about to go down.

"Jords," I called out, smiling at her, trying to pretend she hadn't seen what she had just seen. I saw Ettie with her back to the door, playing with her bag in her locker. Jordan was looking at her, and at me, with a confused expression on her face.
"Hey," Jordan said, walking into the room, and picking up her bag from her locker, "just forgot this." She slowly walked out of the room, and we saw her turn down the corridor. I looked at Ettie who slowly sat down on the bench.

"Shit," I said, scratching my head, "Shit. Shit. Shit."
"Lee, it's okay. We don't even know if she saw anything," Ettie said, coming over to me, and sitting beside me.
"Ettie, don't be stupid, of course she saw. That's why she was just as awkward as we were." Ettie stood up, and walked back over to her locker.
"Maybe it's a good thing," Ettie said, picking up her bag.
"Really?" I said to her, annoyed that she didn't understand.
"Leah, it's been nearly 10 months since you guys broke up. It's been nearly 10 months of us being together. I don't understand why this still needs to be a secret." I looked at her, seeing tears slowly form.
"Ett," I said softly, standing up, trying to wrap my arms around her, but she pushed me away.
"No," she said firmly, "this is a wake up call, for both of us. I can't do this anymore unless you're in it."
"I am in it, of course I am."
"Well, Lee, it doesn't feel like it. All it feels like is you trying to protect everyone else besides me." I didn't answer her, and instead put my face in my palms. I thought about it, and knew she was right. I was trying to protect myself, Jordan, and my team mates, but not her. I wasn't even thinking about how it was affecting Ettie. Soon, I could hear her pick up her bag, and I saw through the corner of my eye that she was starting to head out.
"Please don't go," I said to her as she was about to walk out of the room.
"I'm sorry but until you're ready, I can't just sit around and wait for it to happen."

Ettie left the room, and with that, she was gone. She had left. I knew it was up to me. I knew I had the future of us in my hands, but there were no answers that stood out. I didn't know what to do. I was stuck, and I was scared.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe she was just a teenage fantasy. We both had so many issues, and it wasn't going to work out. At least, in reality it wouldn't. But deep down I thought of her as my soulmate, as my world. I need to sort myself out, in order to get her back. But until I do that, I guess Ettie and I just aren't meant to be. I guess she can do whatever she wants.