It's Our Secret

Chapter 35 - She's Back

Over the next few months, nothing changed. I was still not allowed to play, Keira and I weren't talking, and Chelsea were winning most of their games. Arsenal and Chelsa were neck and neck at the top of the ladder, while 3rd placed, Manchester United, were quite a few points shy. Additionally, due to City's awful start to the season, they were still sitting in 5th place.

As I went through the months, trying to help my heart heal slowly, I knew I was going to come back better. I could feel my restlessness getting to me, giving me even more determination to not let my heart ruin my dreams.

I went to training, most days, as, although I couldn't play, I loved watching the girls. I loved seeing them play the game, enjoying each and every moment.

As we returned from the Christmas break, the girls started to get ready for the upcoming matches. I watched them from the side, where I stood beside Emma.

"How are you feeling?" She asked me, as we both watched the girls intensely.
"I'm okay, really," I said, encouraging, "hopefully I'll be back within a month."
"Really?" Emma asked, hopefully.
"Yeah, the doctors think all the swelling around my heart has died down, and it should be okay soon."
"That's great," Emma said, "we really need you back!" I smiled at this, and soon, the girls came over, as training had finished.

I walked back inside, to grab lunch. Fran walked beside me, and we talked.
"Hey," she said to me, "I know I have never actually spoken to you about this, but you're really strong for what you're doing. I know what it's like to have a heart problem, and it's hard. Very hard. And the fact that you are here, supporting us, never missing a game, and keeping in touch, it just shows how strong of a person you are, Ett." I smiled at this, giving her a side hug.
"Well, I'm not sure strong is the right word. Sometimes I feel like the weakest person on this planet."
"No," Fran said, firmly, "don't think like that. The fact that you are still here, the fact that you're still fighting, and your will to want to come back, stronger, shows just the kind of person you are. And if they don't see it or if you don't see it, know that I do." I leant over and gave her a hug, trying not to have a tear run down my face.

Fran went and caught up with Maren, while Sam came over to me.
"What was that about? Looked like you two were having a serious conversation." I laughed at this, wiping the single tear that came down my face.
"Fran was just giving me a pep talk," I replied.
"She's good at those."
"That she is."

When February rolled around, I was so ready to get back on the pitch.

"Are you sure you are ready?" Leah asked me, as we sat on the couch before Chelsea were set to take on Aston Villa in a WSL match.
"Yes, I promise," I replied, grabbing her hand.
"But-" Leah was about to say.
"No, no buts. Lee, I'm doing this. The doctors said it was fine, and I am restricted to only a half."
"I don't want you to do something stupid," she said to me.
"I won't," I replied, pulling her into me, "I promise you, it will be fine. I need this, Lee."
"I know, I know." I placed a kiss on her lips, and I was off.

I still hadn't messaged Keira. Not since November. It has been four months without talking to my twin. WIthout saying a word. My parents messaged me, nearly everyday, asking if I would do something. I knew I should. I knew I had to. But, something inside of me died that day. Something inside of me burnt up, like paper in a fire. She hurt me, and I hurt her. I don't know if we could ever get past it.

When I looked at my phone when I arrived at Kingsmeadow, I had a message from Lucy. I also hadn't spoken to Lucy in a while, seeing as Keira and I had been mute.

Lucy: listen, kie doesn't know im messaging you, but she keeps going on about how proud she is you're back fit and playing. We'll be watching you. Good luck.

I didn't know how to reply. What do I say to that? I decided to go back with something generic.

Ettie: thanks luce. I'm hoping everything goes well.

Lucy: we'll be looking out for you <3

Knowing that Kie was talking about me, confused me. Is she also scared to reach out?

I got out of the car, trying to push Keira to the back of my mind. I wanted to focus on the game, and only the game. I walked into the changing room, and sat in my locker for the first time in six months. I got to remember the feeling of pulling the number 7 "Walsh" jersey over my head. It felt like heaven.

I didn't start the game, which I expected. I just only hoped that Emma would give me a chance to go back on. By the break, we were up by 3, with a goal from Pernille and a brace from Sam. Sam was flying in the goal scoring department this season. Already, she has 13 goals, and we are only just half way through the games.

When the second half commenced, I was eager to go out. I had been in training for the past few weeks, and I knew I was ready. I was ready to reclaim my spot as the center back on the team.

"Ettie," Emma said, calling me over, "can you go in? Are you ready?" I nodded, smiling. "Can you go into the left back, please. Take the defensive midfielder role. I want to see how you work in front of the three." I was slightly surprised. I was surprised that Emma had put me back into the position I had normally played with. But this made me even more excited. I was going into the game, into the position I loved the most.

"Substitution!" the commentator called out, "number 5, Sophie Ingle, to be replaced by number 7, Juliette Walsh." As I gave Sophie a quick hug, the entire crowd roared. They knew I had been out for a while, and they gave me the support I didn't know I needed. I saw Sam, Guro, Millie and all the girls smiling immensely. It filled me with the confidence that I had found my home, with these girls.
I played all the rest of the second half, and I found my groove. It took me a few minutes, but I made a few crucial tackles, stole the ball off a few players, and crossed a ball into Sam, who headed it into the goal. She had her hat trick, and I had an assist.

After the match, socials were buzzing that I had made my return to the pitch after a six month absence. The WSL instagram page even put up a special mention. A photo of me smiling on the pitch was uploaded beside a caption.

Barclaysfawsl: this round saw the return of star english player @ettiewalsh7. Over the last few months, Juliette had been recovering from a serious heart condition and took to the field for the first time since September against Aston Villa. Juliette made some crucial saves, and even set up @samanthakerr20 for the assist to seal her hat trick. Welcome back, Juliette!

After the match, I went up to Sam, Millie and Erin, hugging them.
"I'm so proud of you," Sam said to me, "you did it!"
"You fucking did it!" Erin said, her Scottish accent coming through.
"I'm just glad it went well," I added.
"Went well? You played great. It was as if you never left," Millie said. I smiled at her, and gave her a hug.

When we got the photos from the game, I uploaded one of Millie, Sam, Erin and I all hugging after the match.

Ettiewalsh7: felt good to be back on the pitch. Couldn't have done it without you lot!

Mbrighty7: you're the best, ettles!

Samanthakerr20: my little superstar

Erincuthbert_: too cool for school my friend. Love ya

Sam also posted on her instagram, a photo of me and her hugging after she scored her third.

Samanthakerr20: love a score, but love it even more when my girl gives me the assist @ettiewalsh7

Ettiewalsh7: you're most welcome :)

When I was about to leave Kingsmeadow, I had a surprising message. It was from Keira.

Keira: i know we aren't talking, but im proud of you. I miss you heaps. Can we talk? Please? I need my sister back.

As I stared at my phone, I felt so awful. I felt awful because I wasn't sure I missed her. I wasn't sure if I needed her back. But, she is my sister. She is my twin. In the end, family trumps all, right?

Note:
- hope you guys are liking the story
- can I just say, the fact Sam has gone viral not once but twice this week is giving me all the serotonin I needddd. she is an icon