The Life Of Aaron Prescott

[27] Tell Her Everything

The Life of Aaron Prescott
Journal Entry Twenty-Seven; June 4th

I absolutely hate exams wholeheartedly. Studying is something I've gotten used to through my ten years of school but exams will always be awful.

The stress of knowing this can dictate a good portion of your passing grade is killing me. I know colleges only normally look at grade 12 final grades but getting in a good study habit is a good thing to learn.

Ryan isn't the best study partner either, but I did promise I would help him last year. And I'm not one to break promises, especially when it's to my best-friend.

Work has been a pain in the ass as well. Working at Mc. Donalds wouldn't look great on an application but it's just about the only job I can get as a fourteen year old.

I. Hate. Stress.

I. Hate. Exams.

I. Hate. Work.

A A R O N

Everything is a messy haze when I wake, gasping for air.

My hands are clenching the sheets around me. Where am I? He can't be here, he cannot be right here or I'd hear him by now.

The room is warm and heavy. I can't see, the room is blurred out but only for a moment.

Then I see Lindsey's guest room walls, remember the events of today and the world stops spinning.

But I still can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I cannot breathe.

"Aaron," Lindsey's in front of me, straddling my legs but she's careful not to touch me. "Aaron, I need you to breathe for me."

I want to.

"Can I touch you?" She asks. I muster the best nod I can, my grip slowly easing on her sheets. "Okay," Lindsey places two hands on my tense shoulders, placing a hand onto her heart. "Focus on my heartbeat, and slowly breathe with me."

I do, the rhythmic beating vibrating through my hand. It surprisingly calms me down. I let in a shaky breath before quickly deflating.

"That's good, keep going," Lindsey encourages me, coxing me through it.

I remember the park when I had to help her after she learned about Finn and Sandra. I try to focus on that more, closing over my eyes as I imagine my hands on Lindsey's shoulders and us breathing with each other.

I think I have calmed down.

I have calmed down enough to wrap my arms around Lindsey and tighten my arms like she's the last thing I can hold onto. She returns the hug, leaning in towards my chest. Lindsey takes a hand away from me to swipe it through my hair in a soothing motion.

"Go back to sleep, Aaron. I'll be here when you wake up."

I try to fight it, how comfortable I feel. I shouldn't feel like this, especially right now. She wasn't supposed to see me like this, weak and vulnerable.

Eventually my eyes close and I think a tear runs down my cheek.

Everything feels so cold. Numb.

***

Lindsey's face is lying on my chest as her arms tuck behind my back. I realize I'm holding onto her as well, pressing her against my body.

The events of last night play through my head as I lie awake. I can tell my face is neutral and that I might even look exhausted but right now I can't feel anything other than the guilt of waking up Lindsey.