WABI - SABI

12. Green with envy

♡ Green with envy♡

Envious or jealous.

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I was walking in the hallway towards my gym, when I heard someone call me. I stop and looked behind me to see Dr. Green walking towards me.

"Hey." He said as he joined me. "You have gym now, right?" He asked.

When I nodded, he smiled and motioned for me to start walking. "I should apologise for Mr. McCoy's behaviour."

"Yeah, he's... Pretty intimidating." I said looking down at the once white tile. My confidence was nowhere to be seen as I remembered Mr. McCoy and his behaviour.

"You know, intimidating people feels the same way about us. What a psychologist would say is..." he looked at me and then said seeming to change his mind he said, " Well, something boring to young students, I’m sure.”

“Something about the worst we see in others is what we actually see in ourselves?” I asked, looking up, meeting his eyesl.

He smiled, causing his eyes light up. He looks younger when he smile, "Well said."

"I hope it doesn’t mean Mr. McCoy dislikes my skirt because he doesn’t look good in skirts." I said.

Dr. Greens eyes lightened up even more, as he laughed with one hand on his stomach, the sound echoing around the empty hallway.

"Oh god. Now every time I see him, I’ll be thinking of him in a skirt.” he said turning his laughter down a little.

I smiled. I would, too. He looked at me like it was the first time he was looking me, and there was a new glint in his eyes. We stopped right outside the gym.

"See you." Dr. Green said. We both had this crazy smile as we seperated. I walked into the gym and him to wherever he was going.

Since it was the first day of gym class, all of the students for that period collected in the large gymnasium.

The bleachers were closed and there was a wide area of the floor in front of the basketball court. The girls were directed to one half of the area and the guys to the other.

We were told to sit on the ground. I knelt in my skirt, the wood felt rough against my damaged knees. I slid onto my butt quickly for relief.

I found Gabriel and Nathan right away across the room. I waved to him to catch his eye. Gabriel's eyes brightened when he noticed and he waved back. I have Nathan a small smile and he smiled back.

I moved so I was sitting close to the outside of the group of girls and they did the same on their side, sitting on the edge of the boy’s group.

The gym teachers were clustered together under one of the basketball goals. They talked to themselves, hovering over their clipboards.

The gym instructors started to talk to all of us as a group, informing us about where to pay for gym uniforms, giving us sheets of paper as an insurance waiver for our parents to sign and a gym locker number with a lock combo.

We would be given five minutes to be dressed and in the gym every day. Our grade depended on us being there on time and daily participation.

Coach French, the girl’s instructor, barked at us. “We will also be requiring everyone to pass the physical exam. We’re going to do that soon to get it out of the way. This includes the mile run, sit ups, push-ups... everything.”

After this, there was nothing for us to do but wait until the end of class. They allowed us to talk together and the gym seemed to vibrate with the voices of our chatter echoing in the room.

"What do you plan on doing after school?" I asked, to try and make conversation.

Gabriel shrugged, tucked fingers through his hair, combing the locks of blonde behind his ear to blend in with the brown. God, he looked beautiful. "Just hanging out."

"With the others?" I asked. The way he left out with who he was hanging out, made me curious.

"No, he's not hanging out with us." Nathan said, smirking at Gabriel. He seemed to be more in ease with me, now. He turned to me as he said, "He's going on a d-" He was interrupted by Gabriel punching his arms, "Ow! Man that hurts." Nathan said as he rubbing his arm at the spot where Gabriel punched him.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me." I said, I can understand if he doesn't want me knowing it.

"Shit. No.. I mean, yes....Uh. See what you fucking did motherfucker?" He said shooting Nathan another glare before turning to me, "It's just not tagt big of a deal, I'm going on a date with my girlfriend."

My eyes widened and a smile touched my lips. Although there was a small part of me -- who am I kidding, a large part of me -- felt heartbroken, but I managed to push it away.

I don't understand why I feel like that. I know I'm not pretty and my step mother had drilled it into my head, that no one would want me. But look at me, I'm still longing for affection.

I managed to keep an happy expression despite my inner turmoil, as I aksed, "What's her name?"

Gabriel sighed and said, "Carla Jones."

Nathan with a large grin on his face added, "She's a little stubborn and annoying but they make each other happy."

Gabriel blushed and shoved Nathan's shoulder playfully. I smiled at them, but the emotion I felt when Gabriel eyes lit up when he said the girl's name, brought an emotion I couldn't understand.

It was such a tangle of pain and fury and desire and despair. I've never felt it before and I couldn't put a name to it.

After that we just made small conversation and mostly it was about Carla. Whenever Gabriel talked about her a soft smile spread across his face and his eyes would lighten up. That only fanned the flames of the unknown emotion in me.

"...she's pretty awesome..." The envy for the girl suddenly put a name to my emotions. The emotion which I have never felt, but have read in books a million times.

As I looked at Gabriel's dazed look as he continued to speak about what they did together two days ago, I knew then, the name to the emotion I felt.

Jealousy.

I was Jealous.

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