Home Is You

Ch-12| When Mark Asks Ethan Out

Ethan-

Did it happen again? Was I played with? A dare?

My mind rewatched what Mark and I had done in the plane bathroom.

Did he see smithing he didn't like? Was he just using me? Was he done using me? Leaving me like garbage any person would ignore.

My camera sat on my nightstand, almost collecting dust. My motivation was negative if were measurable. I had texted mark the day after we both came back and he left me on read.

Ethan- hey mark!

Mark- seen

Reading what he had done stung like a slap. I was hurt and in disbelief he'd drop me so quick.

Amy had come into my room now and then trying to start conversations but I'd shoot them down with one word answers. I knew she was just trying to cheer me up and figure out what happen and why I'm upset. I loved her to death but my body felt drained and disgust.

Though I felt like a million tons, my body wobbled it's way to the bathroom. Maybe if I make the water hot, I'll feel something. Something other than disgust and drained.

After doing what a normal person does in the shower, I turned the water off and dried my body. Since I only thought as far as showering, I had forgot to bring clothes with me.

My body wobbled back to my room with a towel around my waist. Boxers, grey sweat pants and an oversized shirt felt right. I wanted comfort. The only way I knew how to get it without being hurt.

Since I didn't want Mark to have such a hold on me, I decided to record something. My hands held the cold camera. It felt so foreign but I managed to remember how to work it.

The carpet felt nice. It was soft and made my feet dry since the water was now dripping down.

"Hello! So I feel a little sick today. I stead of exciting content. We will be looking at memes you guys send or make of me on the Reddit page." My smile felt forced and it made me feel like an asshole. Here my fans are excited to see great content but get a depressed bitch who doesn't where clothes his size.

My camera turned off as I switched to my set up.  "Okay let's start."

Editing was a fun way to distract myself. I would cut anything out that showed any emotion besides happiness. It made the video a little shorter than the rest but I made up for it with ending it with due explanation to why I left. Well it was a vague version.

"I know you're probably watching the video confused. I left and said I would be possibly leaving forever. Only to come back to make Reddit meme videos." I chuckled since I realized the audacity I had to waltz In like I didn't just hurt them. " so I went through a really tough.. break up I guess you could say. The details will stay out of the video as it is still something im personally dealing with but you guys deserved to at least know why I just dropped everything and left. But good news I am back. Hopefully more permanently but im still figuring it out. Thank you for staying. You guys mean the most to me. And with that, I will be ending the video. Bye." My goodbyes suck but at least I did what I had to do.

A week and Mark hasn't even checked up. Maybe I'm childish. It was me who said I didn't want to be with him when we got back but It was on the condition that we try to work everything out. This doesn't feel like working thinks out.

Amy had gotten home early from her photo shoot. Her voice slightly echoed. "Film room." I yelled loud enough for her to hear.

"Hey! You got out of bed!" Amy smiled excitedly. "Yeah I just finished filming. I'm going back to bed" I smiled then let it fade as I walked passed my very concerned friend.