October and April (Bk 2 Of The Valhireya Series)-rewriting

Thirteen

Idalia

Flashes of me and him dance in front of my teary eyes. He is telling me he loves me. I laugh bitterly as I close the door behind me and take off my shoes.

"I am going crazy!" I says to myself as I laugh and cry at the same time. It feel like a dagger is being slowly pushed into my heart. It literally hurts. I feel like I can't breathe as I take a few steps and collaps on the couch. My phone rings and my pulse spikes up when I see the number.

"This is 1409!" I answer the phone mechanically.

"I thought you've gone rogue!" His voice makes my hair stand as usual.

"No, sir! It just took longer to create the perfect cover. You said he is very smart and I wanted to make sure I don't fail you." I tell him.

"I sent you there for a reason, 1409! I didn't send you there to infiltrate his life, but to end it!" His voice is cold as usual. Hearing him say the words I've avoided saying out loud for these last couple of weeks makes my head spin. I was sent here to kill him and instead all I want to do is the exact opposite.

"Yes, sir! It will just take a little longer. I will do it at the launch event on Saturday."

"Make sure you do, Idalia! Otherwise, I am coming to clean up your mess. And you." The call interrupts as I gasp in fear. I have allowed myself to go in too deep. I was mesmerized by him and let my true goal slip from my mind and now my entire body hurts just from thinking I will never see his beautiful eyes again or kiss his lips. How did I end up in this mess? Is it too late to back down? Could I, maybe, get out? That was never an option. They will hunt me down and kill me. They don't forgive nor do they forget.

I burts into tears as I realize how fucked up my life is. Suddenly, I feel dirty and useless. My only purpose on this world has been to kill for them. When the Coven calls, I answer. No questions asked. I don't even ask what my victims did wrong. I just obbey orders. A loud sob leaves my chest as I pull a pillow in my arms. Tears continue to fall down my cheeks when I think about Saturday.

"I just have to do it... it's either him or both of us!" I say out loud, trying to convince myself that this is the path to follow. They won't forgive me after trying to escape and they will kill everyone that gets in my way.

I go to the mirror and stare at my reflection. It's been years since I used my own face. It's been so long that I barely recognize myself. It got to the point it feels foreign to me. I close my eyes and think of a new hair color and when I open them, my hair is now brown.

"I have to do this! There is no other option!"

Cade

These days without her have been nothing but torture. I can't sleep or fuck. When I try to sleep, I dream of her. When I try to get a refill, I see her face. I've never felt this way for a toy and it is slowly killing me. For real! I haven't had a proper refill in almost a week. Jan enters the door, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I thought I told you to feed!" He tells me and I laugh bitterly.

"I tried." I tell him and he looks at me worried.

"And?"

"I also tried focusing on my work, I tried going out, I tried drinking my thoughts away, but she keeps popping up in my head. Every time a woman moans my name, I see her face." I tell Jan as I pour two glasses of scotch. I give him one as he looks at me dumbfounded.

"In the beginning, I thought it's just a random thing. I was fucking the brains out of this gorgeous brunette and her image just flashed before my eyes."

"You mean Ida?..." he asks and I nod in approval. "Man, that's fucked up. And you say this keeps happening?"

"Yes. During these last 5 days it kept happening to the point I can't fuck another woman without seeing her face. I'm running on half the energy every single time because once I realize they're not her, I don't function anymore. What kind of fucked up scenario is this and why is it happening to me?" I pull the roots of my hair in anxiety as I finish telling him everything.

"I have no idea. Have you considered talking to mother about it?" He asks me and I almost break the glass in my hand.

"You know I can't talk to her. She will lecture me about how soulmates don't exist, about how I threw my life away because of Reyna. That's all she thinks about: how her most precious son has thrown his life away living among humans instead of taking his rightful place in the realm."

"Can you really blame her? Reyna took her own life because of you!"

"Reyna took her life because of post partum depression!" I tell him, knowing that is only half truth.

"Keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep better. But you know the truth, deep down your soul!" He tells me and I feel like snapping his neck right now.

"Let's just drop it! Tell me, why are you here?" I ask him and he finishes his drink.

"We must leave! The Coven has found us!" He tells me and I break the glass in my hand.

"I'm getting realy tired of their shit! It's been 7 years!"

"You would think they forgot that you seduced their queen to the point she left her husband even though she was pregnant with him.." His voice is mocking me.

"I had no fuckin' clue who she was. I loved her!" I tell him pointing my finger at him.

"You loved that she was the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, but you didn't love her! He tells me and I clench my fists.

"You can punch me in the nose again, if you want. But that won't change that Claire is a witch and their next ruler. Her powers will kick in anytime now. They will know who she is, Cade. We need to go back home!"

"I am not raising Claire in Hell!"