Absinthe In Colour Purple *frerard*

19. Pick Up The Pieces

"So, I mean might as well comment on the elephant in the room, yep, tried to kill myself, no it wasn't about Frank, gosh do I look like a pathetic Romeo?" Gerard lied casually.

Ray choked on his soda. 

"You know, Gerard, have I told you how proud I am of you?" Krista patted Ray's back and turned her sympathetic glance towards Gerard.

"Anyway, Nick's been helping me a lot, he had a troubled past as well and he knows all that," he gestured vaguely to his head. 

Ray chuckled awkwardly, "you're not crazy, Gee."

"No, obviously," Gerard mocked him. 

The truth was, he did feel embarrassed about his attempt. But not as embarrassed as he felt towards his relationship with Nick. Not that he was embarrassed by Nick. He just didn't feel like it was okay to move on yet. 

There was the song he kept on repeat, ever since he and Frank well, parted.

I'd Have You Anytime by George Harrison. 

The lyrics swayed through his melancholy heart aching with the sound of Frank, Frank, Frank only. He thought that if he were ever to see Frank again, he'd simply quoted it back to him. The lyrics explain everything that was good and bad about them.

"Gerard," Krista waved a hand before his face, "I asked if you're seeing anyone?"

"As in hallucinations or romantically?"

Ray let out a high-pitched laugh, "good one, mate."

Krista shook her head, "neither, I meant if you're seeing you know a professional, to help you with you know..." she rambled on but it was enough to make Gerard burn with rage.

He stopped her abruptly, "Krista, no, Jesus, I don't need a shrink..." 

"But Gee, it could help you!"

"I SAID NO!"

She turned away, sullen and pouty. 

***

But time did pass and he did go to a shrink. Not the regular one but a cool one. Note the sarcasm.

"Gerard Way, right? Okay. Tell me what has been bothering you."

She looked fresh out of med school, with a kind round face and hornrimmed glasses. Just Gerard's type, well endowed, petit, long blonde hair. And the fact that she didn't turn him on started Gerard talking.

"So, yes I have had this crush on a person and well it ended."

"A crush or a relationship?" She fixed her hair and looked at him expectantly.

"Yes," Gerard sighed, "it was a relationship pretty much built on lies. You see, this person had experienced memory loss and then the memory came back... without telling me."

She furrowed her eyebrows, "that was the only problem?"

Gerard frowned, "of course not, there were several unhealthy, quite disturbing moments..."

She listened closely and then nodded, "okay, let's start slower. Gerard, please explain to me the feelings you had for this, er-person."

'She knows,' Gerard thought. But it didn't seem to matter.

"Well,  no, I can't explain what I feel. How every room I come to starts collapsing on me, how my eyes search for him everywhere, how my senses kept reminding me of him. It's," he waved with his hand, searching for words, "impossible to explain what is unexplainable."