Start from scratch

Chapter 41 - Hold Me

Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.

Start from scratch.

Chapter 41 – Hold me

Jade's POV

It's late December and the weather continues to get ever colder. Tori and I have been officially dating for 17 days. The first 14 of them were wonderful. I felt alive again. Tori really cares about me and does her best to make me happy. I do my best to make her happy. I really feel something growing between us. We went on several dates out to dinner, we took walks at night holding hands, it was great.

But as I said the first 14 were wonderful. I didn't make mention of the last 3 days.

We had a problem, last Thursday. It was something I was afraid of happening, a fear that hung constantly in the back of my mind.

It was later in the evening around 9:30 and we were cuddled on the couch watching Orange is the new Black. When the show ended, Tori turned and started to kiss me.

Now up to this point, I'll tell you that that's all we've done; kissed and had a few make out sessions on the couch. Tori not once, has pressured me to go any further.

That thought both excites and scares me. Let's face it my experience with Beck has scarred me and I'm scared I can't function as a lover anymore. I haven't voiced this with Tori or even in therapy. I've read that some women who are raped find themselves unable to have normal sexual relationships afterward.

I'm afraid that I'll be not the person she wants me to be. I know we've been through a lot and she truly cares for me and my fears may simply be irrational, but they are very real to me.

She had started to kiss me slow at first. She'd kiss for a few seconds and break away, then kiss for a few more. We'd done a lot of that since we started dating. But that night, her kisses became longer and longer.

I could feel my heart beating with each kiss felt more and more aroused. Each kiss she gave me was welcomed and returned with vigor as the moment got more heated.

Soon the kiss between us was deep and full of passion and at that moment I felt like it was starting to run away from us. I could have stopped it then and there, but part of me wanted it to run away.

After a half an hour she broke the kiss and started to work her way down my neck. I love having my neck kissed and I purred with pleasure.

Just then as the moment got more heated, Tori reached under my t-shirt and began to fondly my ever-hardening nipples. I was not wearing a bra.

But without knowing it, Tori triggered something inside me. I liked having her fondle my breasts and was about to take off my shirt when she playfully pinched one.

That was something Beck did, a lot. Only he'd pinch hard. I remember his taunting laugh when he did it was just a part of his cruelty.

Right then and there I had a horrible flashback to the day several months ago when he raped me. Instantly starting to freak out, I screamed and literally bolted off the couch and retreated into the corner.

Naturally upset, Tori ran to me, to see what was wrong. "Jade are you ok?"

But as she spoke, she touched me on the shoulder, and I recoiled instantly. "Don't touch me. Don't touch me."

Tori had begun to cry, but I was too busy freaking out to really pay attention. "Jade, what's wrong?"

"You pinched me, Beck pinched me like that, he'd laugh. Just go away and leave me alone." I said, now crying myself.