Start from scratch

Chapter 12 - I see you

Disclaimer, the show Victorious its characters and other associated copyrights are properties of someone else and not me.

Start from scratch

Chapter 12 – I see you

Jade's POV

She cried uncontrollably in my arms for several more minutes. I had thought she had given up her music, but I was wrong. It had been taken away from her. Tori loved music; it was a huge part of who she was. Without it, she was only half there.

All I could do, was comfort her as best as I could.

Holding her, comforting her, I got this odd feeling of contentment. It only lasted for a few moments, but it was the most content I had felt in years. I didn't read too much into it as I simply assumed I was enjoying the chance to pay back Tori for all the grief I had caused.

After several minutes she abruptly stopped crying and quickly moved back. At the same time, her expression went from vulnerable to one of guarded embarrassment.

Tori wiped her tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so emotional."

"I understand, music is very important to you."

She then turned and moved toward her bedroom door. "I'm tired I need to go to sleep, goodnight."

I wanted her to stay, I wanted to talk more, the need was almost overwhelming, but before I knew it, I was once again on the other side of a closed door.

She had closed herself up in her room. In all the weeks, I've lived here; I've never been in or even seen the inside of her room. I believe it's become her sanctuary from the world.

A lot more of what happened now makes sense. She gets record deal, creep music exec makes a pass at her, she slaps him, he retaliates by ruining her name. I guess at this point, she goes to Cat for support, but for reasons still not too clear, Cat turns on her. Feeling devastated by the loss of her musical career and betrayal at the hands of Cat, Tori drops out of school, gives up on music and turns bitter.

I know I played a part in this little play. Had I not done what I did, perhaps she would have been better equipped to handle the events she went through. She'd been already betrayed once and the second blow must have been fierce. To this day, I can't think of the expression on Tori's face when I denied anything happened, without a pang of guilt. Yet at the same time, I still continue to try and justify what I did, in my mind at least. Beck still has a great hold over me.

While I knew more, it only added more guilt to my already trouble conscious. Of course, the co-dependent side of me says, go back to Beck and this guilt will go away.

Knowing I'd not see Tori for the rest of the night, I returned to the couch and again began to watch TV. Thankfully, I found the original 1978 Halloween was on and I managed to lose myself in that. I much prefer this version to the remake. In the original, his reasons for doing what he does are not explained. He's simply a force of evil and that's that. The newer one, gives a background, to Michael, and explains at least partially why he does what he does. It takes away some of the mystery. He's a hell of lot scarier when you don't know what he's about.

But maybe that explains my growing fascination with Tori. I don't know what's behind her bedroom door. In my mind absolutely anything could be behind it. What does she do in there, what does she think, what does she say to herself in her unguarded moments?

I would find myself thinking about that for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I got up at my usual time to find Tori eating breakfast. Most of the time, I went straight into the bathroom to get ready for work, but today I found myself wanting to talk to Tori.