wow it's been over a year.
in the last update i was saying i miss my boyfriend and around that time this year he broke up with me. not for any good reason, everything had been going okay. but then he got a new girlfriend after only 10 days. after we were together for a year and a half. so yeah, i've been dealing with that.
today (well yesterday) was his birthday and last year i spent it with him. i didn't even know if i should wish him a happy birthday or not because i've been so upset about everything but i decided to and he actually responded to me for once and said i did nothing wrong. i wish it didn't feel like i did something wrong. when he broke up with me i asked if he wanted to be friends and he said he was open to it but then immediately unadded me on snapchat and blocked me on instagram. once i found out he had been dating a girl for a month and had started only 10 days after breaking up with me i texted him to ask if he cheated on me and he said no and told me to stop texting him. i was super upset so i said i thought he didn't even want a girlfriend because that's what he told me but then he blocked my phone number. i ended up emailing him a long "f you" note which is very out of character for me but i was just so mad at him for moving on so quickly and treating me like i did something wrong. i don't understand how he can just be okay.
it's been almost 7 weeks now and i'm still really struggling. i want to just be able to move on like he did but it's so hard. even though i recognize that i deserved better than him the whole entirety of our relationship i still loved him and thought he loved me. i just want to cry and move on but i haven't been able to.
anyways, i started college in august and moved into a dorm so that's another big change. having him during that time was really good for me because it was something stable that wasn't changing while everything else was. i even told him this and he still broke up with me. the week i needed him the most. it just proves that i really do deserve better than him.
but college yeah, it's been good i guess. i finally decided on a major and i'm in marching band for football season but i don't think i'm going to do it again next year. it's been fun but too time consuming.
if you read this i hope you're doing better than i am. my dms are open if you ever want to talk. have a good night/day.
(i kinda don't want to publish this but who's even going to see it lol it's fine i guess)
