Reticent | Herophine Fic

You're So Tall

HERO

Fucking hell, I don't think I've ever left anywhere so quickly. If I could have, I would have happily sprinted out of the place but somehow, I feel like that would have attracted too much attention. Which right now, after that is the last thing I want. No, right now I wouldn't mind if the ground bloody swallowed me whole and I didn't see the light of day again. I've never been so... nervous. Never.

She makes me think crazy things all while working me and my hammering heart into an absolute frenzy with just her presence. The nervousness - even now - courses through my bloodstream quicker than I can comprehend. I'd go as far as to say I was scared. Not scared of her, just scared in general at the prospect of what would happen if I didn't leave in such a rush. If I didn't let my panicked self rush out of the pub quicker than a ray of light. If I stayed, what would have happened? Where would we have ended up? There are too many emotions and thoughts coursing through me.

My hand runs through my hair roughly as I try and create some description of a straight thought. Fucking hell, how do other guys do this? How does she do this? I can't think straight at all and my breathing has laboured itself in an effort to get more oxygen into my deprived lungs. I didn't realise until I stepped outside that I was holding my breath.

Pacing quickly, I head down the street, speed-walking until I arrive at the ever-busy Holborn station. It's absolutely packed and it's quarter to seven. It shouldn't be such a shock how busy it is, it's so central and easy to get to. Although having one entrance isn't handy at all, it could do with a few more. Tapping my Oyster Card onto the reader, I sigh as I begin to descend down the escalator into the tube network. Navigating to the right platform, the train is just pulling in to stop and I make my way to the doors, walking through before they close hastily behind me.

I spot a singular seat at the back and carry myself and my things over before sitting down. As I do, the train departs and heads in the direction of home. Home right now sounds great.

I've never felt so affected. By anything or anyone. And what makes all of this even stranger is I can't put a reason onto my reactions or feelings. I was scared and worried and panicked, all by her simply placing her hand on my thigh. Where she touched is burning, still. Scorched, like she branded me with her touch. Jesus Christ and that was with fucking pants on too. There's really no hope for me when it comes to the opposite sex. I've been burned by her touch and she didn't even touch me. She touched my pissing clothes. And she did it so nonchalantly. Like it was nothing to her. I thought it was bad when she touched my forearm, but Jesus Christ I went from 0-100mph when her hand met my thigh. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me. I've never heard of anything like this before, maybe I need to book in with my doctor. There could be something wrong with me.

As the train passes by the stops, both me and my mind can't ignore the burning on my thigh and just how drawn I feel to this girl. It's like we're two polar ends of a magnet. Somehow, drawn together by an undeniable force. At least, that's what it feels like for me. I wonder if it's the same for her? For Jo. We're so different, she's nothing like me and equally, I'm nothing like her. She's the girl in work everyone wants to be friends with. She's so sociable, bubbly, outgoing, popular and confident. Sofia said it herself, she's a ray of sunshine. Literally, Jo is everything I'm not. We couldn't be further apart as people.

Alighting at Hyde Park Corner station, I climb the winding stairs back to the surface. Breathing in heavily as I begin the walk home. My mind is stuck like a broken record on her. I've never felt anything like this. Primarily because I've never had any of the questionable thoughts I've had this week and I've never allowed my brain to even delve down into those types of thoughts. I keep myself to myself. That's it. It's a choice I made without a reason but I don't want to be disappointed. Not by myself or someone else. Being a loner - because let's face it, that's what I am most of the time - is easier. I enjoy my own company and don't let myself down. Others do. Not only in relationships but in general too. In day to day life. If I rely on myself - as I have been - nothing will end in disappointment. It's easier this way.