A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 17

Finnick is the oldest of us. Then Annie. Then Caspian. And I am the youngest.

For everyone in District Four - but I suspect it's the same for all the districts - a person's nineteenth birthday is their most important. Second only to their twelfth. It's the day we no longer have to worry about being reaped. We no longer have to imagine ourselves in the arena.

Finnick's passes first. We celebrate. Annie's. We celebrate. Caspian. We celebrate. And then me.

My nineteenth birthday marks the day that the four of us are all free. Finnick and Caspian have survived the torture of the arena, Annie and I have escaped it. After dinner and cake with Auntie Tina and Malila, the four of us go outside and we all drink ourselves senseless. It's not the first time we've had alcohol, but it's the first time we allow ourselves to fully let go and give up control. We stumble to the reaping beach, of all places. We usually avoid it, but now we sit on its sand and laugh loudly at the joy and the jokes and the company, and curse quietly at Snow and the Capitol and the Games. But we curse less and laugh more, because although the reaping hasn't disappeared for everyone, it has for us.

Hours after midnight, we're half sober and our wild laughter has died down. Annie and I walk down the beach holding our shoes in one hand and each other with the other. Caspian and Finnick follow us, arms slung around each other. Eventually we tire out and splay out on the sand. We watch the water, how the shining light of the moon reflects off the dark waves. I take in a deep breath. Hold it. When I let it go, I send with it my fear of being reaped. My fear of the arena. It's like a weight exhales out of me, one that I was gripping onto until this moment. It's a sick kind of relief, because now if Malila is reaped, I can't take her place. And I know that if I could, and if it came to it... I would volunteer in a second. The thought twists my insides, but I push it away. Not now.

We sit, heels and hips digging into the sand. I see Annie and Finnick shift closer. Their fingers intertwine. I lean towards Caspian and he mirrors me. My head falls on his shoulder and his thumb draws circles on my bare leg. I look up at him. He looks down at me. From this position, our faces are awfully close. There's something about the alcohol and being nineteen and the smile that Caspian gives me that make me want to be unnaturally brave. To lean closer. These feelings that have begun bubbling up in me, after years of friendship... Maybe now that I'm safe...

My stomach suddenly flips on itself and I gag, instinctively moving away from Caspian and slapping a hand over my mouth to stop myself from throwing up. Caspian bursts out laughing, but he quickly stops himself to make sure I'm all right. The sick feeling passes and I have to hide the smile that spreads across my face when I see the amusement on his. He puts his arms around my shoulders and pulls me back into him, but this time we both look at the sea instead.

It's okay, I think to myself as his lips press to my hair. Caspian is still a victor, he still has to go to the Capitol. It still wouldn't be easy. But we have time now. We have the rest of our lives. I'm safe from the arena.