A Million Pieces - Hunger Games (Catching Fire & Mockingjay)

Chapter 20

I'm woken up by Katniss's screams.

"Run! Run!"

Instantly, Finnick is pulling me to my feet and we start running. I follow him blindly, pushing myself to go faster. I pat my arm, checking that the blue ribbon is still there, and it is, right next to my twine bracelet.

"What is it?" I shout and try to look back over my shoulder. I almost trip over a root and Finnick pulls my attention back to the front.

"Poisonous gas," he pants urgently. "Faster, Sapphire!"

So I push my legs more than I ever have, not because I managed to catch a glimpse of the fog destroying the vegetation or because my skin is starting to redden, but because Finnick is telling me to. And he seems terrified.

Then, just when we seem to be escaping, he stops abruptly and turns around. I mirror his actions, and see that Katniss is holding Peeta's hand, trying desperately to pull him along. But Peeta is still recovering from the force field and he is unbearably slow. The fog is gaining on them. We yell out encouragement, but I know we're only stalling.

"Faster, Katniss!"

"Come on, Peeta!"

But just as I shout the words, Peeta's artificial leg gets caught in something and he hits the ground. Finnick and I exchange looks and run to them. Finnick grabs Peeta and starts dragging him along. Katniss looks up when I seize her arm. I almost let go when she shouts in pain, and I feel the blistered skin under my fingers and the jerkiness of her limbs. But I push past my horror and yank her away from the fog.

"Come on, Katniss," I plead. My arm has started spasming.

Katniss manages to speed up, but a few minutes later, she trips. Immediately, she gets to her feet and starts running again. But only a minute later, she goes down. I help her up, and she takes a few long strides before collapsing again.

This time I have to work with her for a few, terrifying moments as her leg jerks horribly and her arms twitch so much she can't use them to push herself off the ground.

In a last desperate attempt, I grab her under the arms and haul her to her feet with all the strength I can muster, and fortunately, her body obliges. We stagger after Finnick, who is clearly struggling with Peeta on his back. The poison sinks into us, blistering our skin and messing up our muscles.

When Finnick collapses, I know we're done for.

If Finnick dies, I am done for. Even if, by some miracle, the rest of us escape, we'll be slaughtered by passing tributes. That, or District 12 will realise they have no use for me.

I let myself trip over roots and creepers and rocks and fall onto Peeta, who is on top of Finnick. I feel Katniss's body fly onto my own. I let out a grunt, Finnick groans, and she rolls off me. Then I twist myself until I too am lying on the jungle floor, watching the wall of white fog advance, my executioner approaching.

I have spent my whole life watching the Games. I have noticed things the average person doesn't. Maybe they just don't want to. I've learned that no matter how brave the person is, no matter how many times they tell themselves that they will die fearlessly, or with a smile on their face, it is out of their control. Because when death is staring you right in the eyes, there is no way you aren't the slightest bit afraid.

My whole life, I have watched people's eyes during the last few seconds of their life, and there is always some kind of fear. It may be fear of no longer living. Of pain. Of the unknown. Of losing loved ones. But they all blink. They all close their eyes.

I am no different.

Alone in my mind, where no one can hear me, I apologise to Talise, who only wanted my happiness. To Coventina, who took me in. To Annie, who I share comfort with. To Malila, who I only want to protect. To Finnick, who cares for me as fiercely as I do for him. I apologise to Caspian, who is always there, except now. I let myself be happy he isn't here. I apologise for letting them people down, people who only wanted me to live.