Bliss

Chapter 30

Margo ripped out two pages of Benson's manuscript. She hated doing it—his papers were actually interesting. But they were needed for her next project and she was desperate. The pen stole from Benson flew across the pages.

She sat on the steps of the Sequoia. The wind made her arms shiver and her teeth chatter, but she had to do this. After she finished writing, she snuck inside, carefully closing the door to not wake anyone. The squeaky floorboards creaked with every step, but she managed to climb up the stairs and slide the letter underneath the door of Kiori's room.

Just as quickly, she snuck out of the dorm and pulled her bike from the bushes. She hadn't used it much since she got it. It didn't feel right using it in this foreign place. And . . . she had wanted to teach Zack to ride, but now she never would.

She glided down the street, carefully avoiding the group of people surrounding the bonfire. They didn't notice her.

When she got to Zack's house, a million things ran through her mind. Anger. Fear. Guilt. But she settled on determination and strode up the porch steps, letter in hand. Just as she began to push the letter under the door, a voice stopped her.

"What are you doing?"

Oh God.

It was Bryn.

"B-Bryn," Margo stammered.

"What are you doing out here? Where's your jacket?" The woman stood from her rocking chair. Even in the dark, Margo could tell Bryn's eyebrows were raised.

Margo's hand shook as she thrusted the paper to Bryn. "Give this to Zack please. I know you hate me but—"

"I don't hate you. What's all this about?"

Bryn began to unfold the letter but Margo stopped her.

"Please don't read it. It's more important than you know—and I promise it's not a love letter or something. I don't care if you burn it or toss it in the river, just give it to him first. He might help you burn it. I don't know." Margo bit her lip and glanced to her bike. "He meant a lot to me. Tell him that, okay?"

"What are you doing? Where are you going?"

"Why are you outside?" Margo challenged.

She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I don't sleep well. The outdoors calms me." She paused, studying Margo's face to see if she was making fun of her. Margo wasn't. "Now, where are you going?"

"I can't tell you."

"I'm the leader of the Raiders. I'm not letting you go anywhere until you tell me."

"You'll stop me if I do."

"I might," Bryn admitted. She sat back in her rocker. "Did you really love my son?"

"Yeah. I think I did. But we got into a big fight . . ."

"I've been there. I've said the most nasty things to him." She met Margo's eyes. "And to you. I overreacted, didn't I?"

"Yeah."

"My brother died trying to save some Cruddies. They were climbing the wall and he was the last to get over, and it killed him. I think a part of me died with him that day." Bryn clenched the armrests. "I couldn't believe it when Zack started to sneak Cruddies over. It was two years ago now. He doesn't really talk to me anymore."

"You're not very easy to talk to."

"He's not either."

Margo stopped herself. What was she doing, chitchatting with Zack's mother? She was wasting precious time. She began to descend down the steps backward. "I'm sorry, Miss Linden. I hope you and your family can forgive me someday. Please give Zack the note."

"Where are you—"

"I'm going home."

Margo hopped on her bicycle and clutched the handlebars. She took one last look at Zack's place, the tiny white painted house with the plastic wrap windows and wooden shutters. All those memories.

Cooking rice.

Cutting vegetables.

Knitting with Orabelle, Kiori, and Zack.

Her birthday party.

To her surprise, no tears left her eyes. She cried for an hour before and she was sure the letters were smeared with tears, but now she was stone hearted. She wouldn't cry about Eden or her friends anymore. She was done with that. She was strong.

Margo began to pedal near the forest where the rooftop guards wouldn't see her.

Faster and faster she went through the woods.

She passed the river.

And the tree with the Spartan S.

She paused for a half hour. The trip was a lot different without rocketboots, and she was panting and slapping herself to stay awake. Once she even struck her wounded wrist in attempt to wake herself up.

An icy sensation shot through her body, allowing her to push on. Her legs had gone numb long a while ago. The feeling didn't bother her.

Kiori somehow made her way into Margo's mind. Leaving Kiori hurt more than anything she'd ever done. The betrayal and pain Kiori would feel in the morning . . . Margo had to be the worst friend ever.

But she was tired of the guilt and disappointment. She doubted she had ever felt happy.

Now she was on the loose, running away from her only safe haven, her ex-boyfriend, and her best friend.

Breathe, Margo thought. The icy feeling she'd experienced before was replaced by a hollow emptiness. Suddenly she felt very, very lonely.

"No turning back," Margo muttered. She pedaled harder despite her legs screaming at her to stop. Her arms screamed at her to stop. Her head screamed at her to stop. But her heart—her heart told her to keep going.

Once she met the Border wall, she hopped off her bike. The faithful old Rusty stood in all his glory.

"Thank you," Margo whispered, giving the rusted handlebars one last squeeze.

Then she propped it up against the wall, stood on the seat, and jumped as high as she could. Her fingertips grasped the top of the wall as Rusty tipped under her feet and tumbled down the slope.

She faltered for a moment, then hoisted herself up.

Crud hadn't changed. There was the same old buildings and the same disgusting stench. But deep in her heart, she knew it was home.

Margo slid down the wall, her knees buckling beneath her. It was different now, without having Kiori and Zack by her side. But this was something she had to do alone.

So she ran down those familiar streets. She was a walking spotlight—literally. The motion lights overhead lit up as she passed them. She hoped someone woke up and saw her, just for the fun of it. She almost shouted, "Hey, look at me, I'm here!"

The officers had to be watching, waiting. They always were.

Margo made her way to the Detainment Center. Most of its lights were dim, and Margo assumed they'd all be on once she got there.

She murmured a quick goodbye to all of Eden. To Orabelle. And Casen. Davia, Elliot, Lyta, Garion, Jess, and even Bryn. To Zack and Kiori. Thank you all, Margo thought, wishing she could've said it before.

Then she stepped closer to the door of the Detainment Center. It opened before she even knocked.

She met the eyes of the three officers, all of them giving her blank stares. She cleared her throat, held her head high, and said, "I'm Margo Loveridge. I want to be Numb."