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I used to trust him
I used to look up to him
Look forward to bein around him
Until he tore apart that trust
Until he made me despise his actions
How he treated me
Like, I was some toy to him
Like he could get whatever the hell he wanted just by pouting
He'd get upset when I wanted to be alone
His words of hurt manipulated me into feeling bad for him and giving in
When in reality, he just wanted to be in control
He made me do things that I was uncomfortable with doing
He took advantage of me being a people pleaser
But it is mostly my fault
I should've stood up to him, I should've said no
But I was afraid that if I did say no, I would lose his love, so in the end, I lost myself by pleasing him, by doing whatever he wanted
But he'd always get mad at me in the end.
Even though I did nothing wrong
Even though I am my own person and don't deserve to be controlled
I never cheated, I never intentionally hurt him, I always went along with whatever he wanted, just because I didn't want to lose him
He was my first love, of course I was afraid.
That love that I had truly blinded me, making me always think that I was in the wrong, that I wasn't good enough
He tried to take me away from my friends, my family.
He always wanted me for himself
I felt suffocated, exhausted, afraid, and so utterly alone..
And finally, I was done, I let him go, knowing that it wasn't love anymore, it was toxic.
It was controlled, manipulative, and forced love.
He begged me to stay, but I couldn't take his emotional abuse anymore
I couldn't take him getting angry at me and making me cry every day.
I couldn't take his hurtful words slashing through my heart.
So I said goodbye, and it was done.
I finally felt free that day, it was life changing
But the worst part, was that my depression only got even worse after that
Just thinking about his controlling nature and how he treated me in the past made those dark thoughts hit me at full force.
And to this day, I still remember how he was, but I'm feeling so much better than when I was younger.
I feel free.
YOU ARE READING
🥀Midnight Thoughts🥀
Poesia🥀And as we all look up to the stars, we realize that maybe we are all just people, just human, trying to get through day by day, pushing through to find some kind of ethereal happiness to cherish.🥀 °Achievements for this book as of 12/15/2021° #1...
