All They Told Me Was Just Give Up

Chapter 10

Austin’s POV

It was the first day of Warped Tour and I had the set we had to play at 12:00 on the Kia Soul Stage and then after that we had a signing at the merch tent. But to be honest I really didn’t want to do any of this today. I was worried and scared and I just wanted to help Elise so she would be better. But I couldn’t not play. I had fans to play for and see afterwards. Maybe Elise would want to be with me at the signing. I doubt it. She didn’t want to watch 16 year old girls aimlessly hit on me or cry over me. I love my fans but that’s not what Elise needs to be around right now.

“Hey, it’s almost time for us to play, are you coming to watch?” I asked Elise who was sitting on the couch deep into her mind. I could tell her and Erin had, had an upsetting conversation earlier but I wasn’t going to bring it up now. She could tell me when she wanted to or we could talk about it tonight when we look at the stars on the roof of the bus. I couldn’t wait for that. I missed it.

“Yeah…” She said shaking her head and standing up. I grabbed her by the waist and kissed her.

“I’m glad you’re coming to watch me play.” I said as we walked towards the stage. I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers; she gave me a small smile. It was half forced and I could tell. She was trying to be happy, for me, so I wouldn’t worry. But I wasn’t going to stop worrying until she was able to sleep and eat normally. “Think I should crowd surf today?” I asked trying to get her to have a real smile.

“Austin, you can’t, your heart.” She said looking at me with concern. I laughed.

“I was only kidding, don’t worry, not today.” I said. I was about to say something else when Elise tripped and fell onto the ground. “Oh my god, are you okay?” I asked kneeling down to her level.

“I think I twisted my ankle…” She said holding her ankle in her hands making a pained expression on her face.

“Here let me see. Take off your shoe.” I instructed her but she looked at me suspiciously. She was hiding something.

“No, it’s fine.” She said and held on tighter around her ankle. She tried to stand but I stopped her.

“Elise, just let me see your ankle.” I said and she looked at me with glassy eyes. Why was she about to cry? I took her ankle and took off her shoes and could see around her ankle were lines. Cut marks. I looked at her and tears slid down her face but she kept silent. Her pained expression spoke for her. “When did you do this?” I asked and she shook her head and wiped at her tears.

“The night before the tour…” She said weakly and looked down to try to avoid eye contact. “I just… I couldn’t do it anymore… Nothing was helping… Not even the music was making sense anymore…” I looked down at her fresh soon to be scars and could feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I closed my eyes tightly and tightened my fist. I hit the dirt path we had been walking on, hard. “I’m sorry.” She said through an awkward breath over her tears. “I know you don’t need this now and you don’t want to be with someone like me… I’m sorry… I’m such a fuck up…” Her voice cracked at the end and she burst into tears. I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“That’s not why I’m upset. It’s not you, or these silly marks. It’s me. I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve stopped you. I should’ve been able to stop you. This is all my fault. If I had been watching you more closely or spent more time with you or did something… I could’ve stopped this… I’m so sorry for not being there… This is all my fault…” I said and wiped at the tears that were trying to escape my eyes.

“Austin, how could you be blaming yourself? You couldn’t stop me if you tried… It just happens… I’m sorry…” I hugged her tightly.

“I love you. I would never be mad at you for something like this. I’m just mad at myself for not being there to be able to stop it. I still love you and I still think you’re beautiful. I want to marry you. No stupid little marks on your skin is going to change that, okay?” I said and pulled away from her looking her in the eyes. She nodded her head and smiled, a genuine smile, with tears still in her eyes.

“Thank you Austin. I love you so much.”