Ms. Perfect & Mr. Wrong

Chapter 11

Jenny's POV

It's been a while since I last saw him. Whoever said that there's nothing that hurts more than a broken heart wasn't fucking kidding. And I just had to prove that to myself. It's bad enough that we share the same friends. Pero ang makita siya araw araw? Ano to, suicide? And to think nagdadala na siya ng iba't ibang babae dito sa hotel. And it's common knowledge that they check in one room. I mean what the fuck, right? Di ko alam anong mas masakit. Ang isipin na pinapakita niya sa akin ang mga babae niya dahil gusto niyang masaktana ko o ang maniwala na gusto niya talaga ang mga babaeng yun?

"Jen, sigurado ka bang okay ka lang?" tanong ni Pierre sa akin. He's been concerned towards me ever since he saw me broke down over Jake. Mabuti na lang at patuloy ang malamig na trato sa akin ni Ella. Alam kong may something sa kanila ni Pierre. Laking pasasalamat ko na lang at di niya ako pinagseselosan.

Tumango lang ako sa tanong niya. "Mauna na ka na. I'm okay. Nothing time won't fix." Naiwan kami ni Ella dito sa kusina. Malapit na magmadaling araw pero pareho kaming walang planong umuwi. Parehong walang uuwian siguro. Ewan ko lang sa babaeng to.

Lumabas na si Pierre para umuwi habang kami, tahimik na nakatunganga dito. "Alam mo, di ko alam anong problema mo. You love him, he loves you back. You have no excuse for not fighting for him," she said suddenly. Nakaramdam ako ng inis sa sinabi niya. What right does she have to say something like that as if she knows how I feel?

"Don't talk as if you know what it feels like to be in my situation right now," I said, not hiding my annoyance.

"You're right. I don't how it feels. It's easier to give advice when you're not the supposed to take it. It's easier to say something is easy when you're not the one in the situation. Pero di ko babawiin sinabi ko. Walang mahal na iba ang taong mahal mo. Wala kang kaagaw. Di ka natutulad sa amin ng mga nasa friendzone. Kahit gaano namin kagustong ipaglaban, wala kaming magagawa kasi di namin maiaalis ang nararamdaman nila para sa ibang tao. There's no one to blame for the pain you're going through except yourself and your pride and insecurities." Ang lalim ng pinanghugutan niya. At sigurado akong may kinalaman yun kay Pierre at sa akin. Halos ipaglandakan niya sa mukha ko na kaya di siya mapansin talaga ni Pierre ay dahil sa akin.

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin yun ay tinalikuran niya ako at lumabas. Wala akong kasama dito sa kusina maliban sa iilang busboy at waiter. Wala akong ibang magawa kundi lumabas rin. Day off ko na pagkatapos ng shift na ito. Di ko na alam sa ako pupunta. It's a given that if I'm going to my condo, I'll do nothing but cry myself to sleep. Pag-uuwi ako sa bahay, kukulitin lang ako nina mama at daddy. And I honestly don't know if I can hold out not telling them about my situation. Kaibigan ni daddy ang mga magulang ni Jake, baka ano pang masabi o magawa niya.

I considered going to a bar and getting drunk to numb the pain a little but it's a little late for that. I guess I have no choice but to go home to my unit. Nasa may parking area na ako ng mga empleyado nang makatagpo ko si Jake. His eyes were bloodshot as if he's been crying himself to sleep or he hasn't been sleeping at all. He stared at me as if seeing through me, through the pain we've put ourselves in.

"Jen," sambit niya sa pangalan ko. Nakahawak siya sa pinto ng kotse niya. Papasok na sana siya nang dumating ako. Sana pala inagahan ko pa o binagalan. I'm not ready to see him. I don't know when I'll ever be ready.

Huminga ako ng malalim. Pinipilit kong pigilan ang sarili ko na takbuhin siya at yakapin. It's taking all of my self control not to beg him to forgive me or take me back. I don't care anymore when he meant it when he said he loves me. I don't deserve him or his love. "Not now Jake," I said as I got inside my car.

It seemed as if he couldn't stop himself. Tinakbo niya ang distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa. Bago ko pa masara ang pinto ko, napigilan na niya yun. "Jen please, di ko na kaya tong paglayo mo. Please, just come back to me."

Di ko mapigilang di siya tingnan. Nakaluhod na siya sa gilid ko. May lumandas na na luha mula sa mga mata. That triggered for mine to start falling too. "Jake, wag mong gawin to," I said, trying damned hard not to stutter and sound firm. I once imagined him kneeling in front me, holding out a ring. But that's just my irrational and naïve self. I never expected him to kneel in front of me to beg. He doesn't deserve this. "Please tumayo ka na. Wag mo nang pahirapan sarili mo. Wag mo na rin akong pahirapan."

Pilit kong inaagaw ang hawakan ng pinto para masira yun pero kahit mukhang wala siyang lakas, di ko pa rin yun kayang agawin sa kanya. "Jen, di ko na alam anong gagawin ko. Believe me, I tried getting over you. BUT. I. JUST. CAN'T. Ten years Jen. Ten years na tong nararamdam ko. Imposible na yata tigilan ko to."

"God Jake! You deserve so much better. Wag mo nang akong habulin. Please, don't make this harder for the two of us," I begged. If he continues with this, I'll give in sooner or later. My heart's broken as it is, I can't have it pulverized further. Because that's what will happen. If I give in now, I wouldn't and couldn't let him go again.

Tinulak ko siya para bumitaw siya sa pinto. I couldn't face him as he fell on his back on the floor. I started the car and drove away. I didn't dare look back because I know I couldn't take seeing the pain on his face as he watches me drive away.

Jake's POV

I can't believe it. I all but kissed her feet to beg her to stay. Pero wala pa rin. Tinalikuran pa rin niya ako. Iniwan pa rin niya ako. Ilang beses ba ako masasaktan bago niya ipaglalaban tong nararamdaman namin.

I could do almost anything for her. Kaya kong talikuran si mama para sa kanya. But I know she wouldn't want me to do that. She'd hate herself if she hurt someone just to get what she wants. Importante sa kanya ang pamilya kaya di niya kayang talikuran ko ang akin para sa kanya. And that's what hurts the most. She loves me, but she chose not to be with me to make someone else happy. To make my mother happy. It's a small comfort to know all of us are miserable. Di ko na kinakausap si mama. She cost me the woman that I love. And I am not talking to her unless I get Jenny back.

I got myself into my car and drove with no particular destination. Wala akong mapuntahan. Di ko rin malapitan mga kaibigan ko. I don't want to burden them with my problems. They're happy with their lives now. I don't want to bother them just because mine's fucked up.

Di ko namalayan na may katagpo na pala akong ten wheeler na truck. I could hear the screech of my wheels as I hit the brakes. The last thing on my mind before going unconscious was Jenny's smiling face as she holds out her hand to me and her other hand was the much smaller hand of a chubby little girl.

Author's Note:

Napaaga ang UD kasi may load net namin kasi nag-aabang ako grades. Sorry kung ito lang muna. Busy ako last week pabalik balik sa city. Try ko sipagin magtype next week.