Repeater Diaries - NEET

November 27th , 2021

Dear Diary, 

Not in the mood to write much but since I am already lagging behind in the terms of my entries (and studies as well:( ) , I have finally decided to come back to the track and write my entry at least once in every three days. I have not studied much in the past week , I was rather busy in binge watching this netflix series called  Lucifer . It is a great series . Modern lifestyle combined with a religious twist with one of the most charming lead this universe created ever. The lucifer himself . XD

So now I am back on the track and from now onwards , I will be "Binge studying ".

I was looking through some college options today and discovered about AFMC , Pune . To be honest, It fascinated me a lot. AFMC Pune is acronym for Armed  Forces Medical  College , Pune.

One can directly serve the Indian army once they got admission in this college as an officer.

A Doctor and an Officer. 

As great as it sounds , the admission process in itself is a tough one. (I mean DUH , Naysa , you live in India , what do you expect ?competition is in the air over here. And on top of it I have chosen such medical science as my career . uff. ) 

Growing up , I always looked up at my father . He's one of my inspirations . He lives a very balanced lifestyle in each and every aspect of his life , be it personal or  the professional side. 

He is an officer in Indian Railways . I always wanted to be like him . I love how people are always around him and follow his  every single instruction. Along with it , the kind  of perks and privileges we get . Though with a high post comes the responsibilities , but still. In order to live a comfortable and  privileged lifestyle , I need to work hard right now . Twice as hard as my papa did in his days to earn his designation and respect right now. 

Nobody has served Indian Army from my family from my papa's and mumma's side as well . If I will be lucky enough to join this college , I would be the first . A doctor and an officer + a researcher /scientist( I plan to research later on after completing my undergrad ) and maybe a teacher ( since I love to teach science ). To be all of them together , I need to pull my shit together . Sometimes, I think , am I capable enough to join AFMC? Am I chosing  right career for myself ? Is medicine for me ? There are two reasons behind this. First being I am a hell of an impulsive person . I am not able to control myself in critical situation . Long story short, I start to freak out. From joining army to becoming a doctor , pulling oneself together , keeping calm in difficult situations is more important in order to perform a task successfully. Secondly , I feel I am a coward person . Being coward might be okay , now that I am admitting it , but putting arguments in order to prove myself right is the worst . I never admit that I am wrong in most of the situations , which is one of  my  major demerits. You cannot imagine an army person being a coward and not ready to admit his mistake . The person would be a shame to their entire squad.

Sometimes , I introspect and think , how f'ed up I am . My typical routine would be waking up at either 10AM or 12Noon , having breakfast, attending few classes , roaming around , listening or playing music , then going for shower at 3PM , having my lunch around 3:30 PM and again taking few classes , roaming around part 2 and then having dinner at 8 PM and stay awake until 2 PM , sometimes watching a web series or a movie or You tube  or chatting . I  always say to myself - Nays, You are supposed to take breaks from study . Not study in breaks . AND . I . HAVE. MY. SNACK. AFTER. DINNER. All the junk stuff. You can find me sneaking around at night either talking to one of my friends , (mostly it is Luna ) , eating Nutella , chocolate cookie, any sweet thing I can possibly find. If you are an Indian, you know that Indian household never runs out of sweet food . So here I am , my overweight ass, my always tired body , and my brain - tired of  practically pestering me to improve my lifestyle. 

I also know that with this kind of  lifestyle , I can never even qualify for medical sciences , army is way past that. 

Anyways , 

I am now trying to focus on positive things from now onwards. For instance , i drank 2 litres of water today and I did not eat anything  unhealthy  today at night , instead , I had few nuts and honey. I know it is also not advisable to eat dry fruits at night , but having healthy is better than junk . At least I am getting  a good start . I will be making my schedule after writing today's entry which was supposed to be made about 2 weeks ago . Ugh .

Focus Naysa. 

Focus . 

AND YOU KNOW WHAT. 

I have come to an interesting conclusion now for my career dilemma. 

I am pursuing medicine because I want this world , being honest , my country to be a better  place . Instead of fleeing my ass around in other countries , I want to contribute first hand in my country's development . I'd rather hustle and grind all the youth of my life in order to develop my home , my society rather than seeking comfort in some already developed foreign asset. 

besides , 

I do need to put some effort now in order to have not luxurious , but at least a comfort and privileged lifestyle ahead. Everyone do prepare for the difficulties and hardships in their life during this age . The real question is - WHAT AM I DOING EXTRA ?

Right now , I  am trying to find correct answer for this , and I am sure that I will be taking action over it real soon .

This field will make me step out of my comfort zone for sure and will take me through some exciting , daring , scary , yet unforgettable and  lifelong experiences. 

I would certainly have to learn a lot , nay , learn it all , and on top of it , walk the extra mile. 

Hustle Bro . Hustle. 

Enough of the moral sciences today Nays.

Signing off

Naysa