shorts

short fifteen

"It's not working out. This distance thing, I just," Paul took a deep breath, "I'm tired of having to drive two hours here every weekend. I'm tired of you not making any effort to drive to me. I'm just tired of being the one that is always giving. So goodbye. We're over."

You walked into your car and drove off. No remorse shown. You didn't even wait for my first tear to fall. You didn't even wait for me to start begging for you to stay. You left me here, in this carpark, all alone with your coat. After five years, this is all that you left me with.

I do own a car. I can drive. It's the roads that I'm scared off. It's my tendency to be drowsy if I'm bored. I tried once and I almost got into an accident. I could not stand the heat and the lazy DJs were not helping at all. I never told you about that day because I didn't want to worry you. I thought after five years maybe you would understand.

My parents, who are the ones giving me shelter still, don't really encourage me to be on the roads alone. They expect a male they trust to be by my side if I were to drive to you. The thing is, the only male they trust is you, Paul. No one else. They trust you just like how they trust me. I thought you would know better after twenty over dinners together with them.

I don't deny that you were always the giving party. It is my fault. All my life, as the eldest among my siblings, I had been giving in since the day my younger brother came along. In school, my classmates see me as a pushover. As long as I could recall, I have been the giving. Until Paul came along. You showered me with love, attention and other things that I didn't know that I needed until I met you. I thought this was normal in relationships; the gentleman gives as the lady takes.

With the warmth of you coat, I made my way to the bus stop. You called me to meet here, just shy a few kilometers from my house. I remembered grabbing my purse and boots before running to take a cab. I missed you after not seeing you for two weeks. You claimed that you had been busy. I bet busy thinking about this decision.

Now the tears are running down my cheeks and my sobs come out loud, though I tried my best to muffle them. The flickering lights at the bus stop were certainly not helping. Could it be that after five years you forgot that I am afraid of the dark? I forgot my fear when I rushed here to meet you. I thought you were my light in the dark.

My watch beeped, just like it does every hour. It was midnight. It was then I recalled that this was an unused bus stop. It was just a shelter, though no shelter could protect me from the hurricane that was you. It was then that I wiped my tears and started to muster the courage to walk back home. It was also then that my phone died. It was sure going to be a long and dark walk home.

With my pounding heart and the light from the full moon, I was almost halfway there. Tears started to flow for the umpteenth time. Though this time from exhaustion not from thinking of you. My knees gave way and I broke down. How pathetic must I look right now. Crying in the middle of the road, when everyone else was asleep, as I took off your coat and threw it away. No reason to wear it as you left me in the cold already. What more can the cold autumnal wind do?

A light shone through the dead of the night. For a moment, I thought it was death. Then it zoomed pass me. A motorcycle. How silly of me. The cold must have froze my sense of logic. A moment later, it came back. That was my first verbal encounter with him. He was a neighbor from across the street.

It was a blur. Exhaustion must have took over me as he tried to get some details out of me. I could hear his frustrated sighs as I tried to tell him but my mouth was too heavy. He then hauled me and  your coat on his motorcycle. One way or another, he managed to get both of us back into our neighbourhood.

My parents were both outside of the house. Both in their coats and flashlight. They were about to search for me after calling you, asking about my whereabouts. My mother recognised your coat that was covering me and ran towards him. She took me in her arms and left him there. I did not get to know his name nor did I know what went down between him and my parents. All I know was that he smelled like the ocean.