Ego's Trap | ✔

57 | This Time for Sure

☆☆☆ Chapter 57 ☆☆☆

This Time for Sure

It all started with an ashamed, soft peck of apology, but I swear I didn't think of anything beyond the peck, 'cuz, because, I felt like a terrible, terrible piece of shit. I swear. As soon as it was planted, I had backed away from him and glared hard at the metallic green chipping off of my nails.

I was hot all over, from the face all the way down to the tips of my toes as I did that. And my heart beat like crazy and tumbled over itself. I even felt the blood pumping in and out of it. I heard it frantically do its job. But I swear, I wasn't turned on.

My vision was blurry and wet things from both my eyes and nose clung to the very edge of my chin. I had no time to see him as the beautiful sex god he was. I was breaking apart with guilt. I had no space in my head for that. Nowhere in my body or soul did I want his touch.

I swear, I seriously didn't know what to do and my stupid mouth, for once— but in the worst moment possible— didn't have anything to say. Yes, in the one moment I actually needed it to work, it failed me.

That's why I kissed him.

I thought he would feel what I felt. I thought it would let him know every little thing I felt. How much I wanted to apologize. How I didn't mean to say the things I said and how I didn't want it to happen again. How I want to do better and make it up to him.

It wasn't even a nice kiss. As soon as our lips touched, it was over. And that one millisecond of contact they had was sloppy.

I didn't mean to do any more than that. I swear. I already thought pecking him once was bad enough— Daniel was hurting, and I was the one that had done it. Guilt stung me like a mothertrucker.

That's why I backed away from him.

I think he misunderstood my intentions── a minute in of me glaring at my nails, I heard him take in a huge helping of air. He didn't let it out. Not until I looked up. I didn't meet his eyes, but it's not like he wanted me to anyway. His attention was on the bed, and he was picking at his lower lip with his fingers. He was far away, somewhere in his head and definitely not thinking good things about what I had done. Definitely. The crease in between his eyebrows said it all.

I couldn't take it.

My hands went for his face long before I could process anything. They held his cheeks, turned his head, and the more I ached, the more they pulled me forward. By the time I managed to gulp away a nasty sob our foreheads were stuck together. Our breaths were short and warm, silently coming out of our mouths. I remember thinking of how close we were to kissing again, of how easy it would be to just lean a little and show him what I felt one more time.

And, so, that's what I ended up doing. It felt right.

I thought for sure he would finally understand, especially 'cuz I made it last longer than the first one. I was a lot more desperate and touchy but it was perfect, just perfect. By the end of it, when I let him go, I even gained enough courage to speak.

He interrupted my apology with the way he held my hips. It was a tight grip that brought me into his arms and distracted me from his lips until the very moment they pressed themselves against mine. For a good minute they did nothing but press and push me around but once he put his foot out behind me and I tripped things changed real quick.

I was lying on the bed, relieved I didn't hit the floor, when I finally got a glimpse of his eyes. There was a raging fire in them that fought dozens of tears back. They were screaming in pain and burning away any shred of the Daniel dying to take himself out of it. When they found me looking at them he jerked away from me, slid a wrist under his nose, and straight up sobbed. It was loud and out of control, broken and hoarse. He had cried more than enough before to fill up a pool but this time things were different. There were still many tears coming out of him, yes, but not too many. He was reaching his limit, he was tired. Tired of me and all I've put him through. Tired of my bullshit. But he loved me and that must've torn him apart to realize. So something else threatened to come out of him. Blood. His whole face was as bright as the red running through his veins.