Not So Hot Girls Summer

8

Not much was said nor done after we had slept together. I knew we shouldn't have, for last night he was a broken man, but I wanted to. Whether him initiating it was a response to his pain or something he had desired to do since the first time we intertwined, I did not know, but either way, I had now found myself falling deep into dangerous emotional territory.

Much to my disappointment, we didn't remain in the room for long, allowing neither me nor him to discuss what was actually going on between us, or if what had just happened was a mistake. Instead, we quickly readied ourselves, and made our way down to the lobby where tables had begun to fill with guests.
Two seats remained at the bar, exactly where Jordan was heading.
''What would you like?'' he asked casually, despite being the first thing he had really said since leaving the room.
''A bottle of beer please,'' I replied.
I never really drank beer for the sole reason it got me incredibly drunk, but it seemed to be the drink everyone around us was holding in their hand, and part of me believed that it would help me fit in with the crowd. Jordan ordered the same, not to look cool, for he naturally fit in without even having to try (especially with his rugged post sex hair), but because it was now obvious, he was a beer drinker.
On receiving our order he rose his bottle, and after taking a deep dismal breath, clanked it against mine.
'To Andy and friend,'' he respectfully announced before nodding his head and lowering it to the ground.
''To Andy and friend,'' I responded.

After that, we spoke no more of the day- any part of it.

People watching was a habit of mine. Wherever I sat, wherever I went, I could never help but watch the commotion of bodies around me. Here, in the lobby was no exception, but it meant I had become increasingly aware of the beauty of the men and women that surrounded us. Whilst the majority of the guests appeared to be backpackers, it was hard to distinguish them from models, causing my self-consciousness levels to significantly rise, especially considering my now deeper emotional interest in Jordan and the wide range of new interest for him in this bar.

''Lots of pretty women here. They all looked like sun-kissed surfers,'' I smiled as I complimented them.
''There are,'' he replied.
It was a very blunt response, but how stupid was I to have even bought up the word surf.
''Frankie and Maddie would have a field day here,'' I continued.
''How so?'' he asked.
''Good looking crowd, music on the way, alcohol...that sort of thing,'' I replied.
He was definitely more agitated then usual and I didn't have a clue how to talk through it. Instead, I just started digging myself a hole.
''Oh right,'' he replied looking aimlessly around the room.
''Looks like they're going to start up some music soon anyway,'' I said eyeing towards to DJ, trying to push for more conversation.
''It does. Hopefully they'll be good,'' he replied.
''Hopefully,'' I smiled.

And then silence. An awkward silence.

I wasn't sure if it was awkward because he was still feeling pretty messed up, or because we had just had sex, he was regretting it, and I was trying too hard. Either way, for the first time, the silence between us was pretty unbearable.
''I'm just going to pop to the toilet. I won't be long,'' I announced as my temporary escape.
The usual.
As I made my way to the toilets, as predicted, the music shortly started- a chilled house beat where the volume sat just above the voices of the lobby. I smiled at the overall vibe of the hostel as well as the thought of returning to no more complete silences before quickly returning to the feeling of anxiety at the prospect of still a conversation-less evening.

On my return, whilst I didn't think possible, the lobby had got even busier. Groups had begun to congregate around the bar, forming a crowded line around where we were seated in an attempt to get served. From the distance, I could see Jordan had already got another round of beers lined up on the counter, assumptively to beat the rush, but as I rounded the bar, now feeling optimistic having had my moment, I instantly noticed that the drinks weren't for me and him, but clearly for him and the female now sat in my seat. Her blonde wavy hair illuminated against her glowing tanned skin whilst her teeth, equally as bright as her hair, pierced through her widened smile. The two of them appeared to be experiencing no awkward silences, unlike the last five minutes we had just encountered. Even from the other side of the room, it was obvious he was clearly entertained by her company as he also already had a grin on his face. I had only been in the toilet for five minutes and it had only been thirty since he was in me. But that clearly meant nothing, I had already been forgotten.
I no longer felt in the mood to drink. I had already raised a glass for Andy and I didn't have it in me to try and entertain or act entertained by Jordan and co. I clearly could not compete with this new girl, and well, Jordan had already managed to get me in to bed, so it felt the right time to leave. Reluctantly, I approached him before making my excuses of not feeling great in order to head up to bed.
''Ok. I'll see you in the morning,'' he replied. ''Let me know if you need anything.''
Not the answer I was hoping for.
'Night,'' I simply replied.
I felt pathetic. Pathetic that I had so quickly jumped into literal and emotional bed with him. Pathetic that I thought I had a chance. Pathetic that he didn't want to return to the room with me. And pathetic that I was the one leaving early again. This felt worse than Gili.