Her Abyss | Completed

Sixteen

I calculated a system for my packing.

All my essentials would be tended to first, then I could compile some items of lesser importance and decide based on significance.

I had it all worked out and yet I mourned so many things.

The loss of my mother, her secrets that I barred to hold our family together. The still-intact part of my family. I had to leave them to pursue my dreams, and although I was aware of the distance, I never once pondered over the pain of leaving everything behind.

So perhaps I'm not so pessimistic after all. Perhaps I'm so blindsided by my dreams and passions that I neglect to realize the consequences of obtaining those.

That's what I thought about as Noah brought me his favorite bedtime accessories. He laid them in front of my bed in an organized row as he cleared his throat.

"Here are some things you have to take to New York." Noah pointed to the first item and my eyes watered over instantaneously.

"Mr. Bean Bean! He's perfect for traveling and doesn't mind cuddling!"

Mr. Bean Bean's left eyes sagged a bit. Dad took up sowing to prove to me that he wasn't the old fashion man he used to be. He wanted to prove that he didn't believe in gender roles and went to a Wednesday evening sowing class with a dozen elderly women.

He only attended two meetings and was able to make a squishy brown potato-looking lump. If he attended the rest of the class, it would've been a bunny rabbit with a cute nose. Instead, it looked like Mr. Bean Bean had a third eye drifting a little too close to the first and second.

Noah loved him more than any other stuffed animal he owned. It meant to the world that he wanted me to pack him.

"You have to bring some playdough for when you feel stressed. You can squish it instead of making that face you have right now."

I eased the tension between my eyebrows and smiled. Sometimes Noah knew me more than I knew him. Or maybe he was just more observant.

Noah straightened his shirt, "Finally. You have to bring London. She makes you happy and dad and I think you should marry her so you won't frown anymore."

My heart fell in my chest.

"I can't marry her Noah. She can't come to New York with me so we can't be together."

He frowned, "That's not how it goes in the movies. Love beats everything all the time forever."

"Sometimes Love isn't enough buddy."

Noah didn't like my answer. Instead, he folded his arms and refused to accept it. His little face had risen with determination.

"Giver-uppers never get love. Stop being a giver-upper right now and go get her. Gosh." Noah stomped his foot. He was beginning to look so much more like himself and less like our father.

I shook my head, "Noah I promise that'll make a lot more since when you're a little older. You'll go through something similar and understand that we don't always get what-"

He sighed long and hard, "Fine. I'll just do it myself."

And then he was closing my room door behind him and stomping down the stairs in a manner that drove Dad and me crazy. It took me a little over a minute to realize what he had meant by doing it himself. Noah was going to try and save my relationship.

I flew downstairs and out the patio door but he was already too far ahead of me. Besides, I wasn't as fast as I used to be and his eight-year-old enthusiasm was carrying him farther and farther towards London's house.