Dani's POV
"Hi" my weak voice spoke.
"Hey beautiful. How are you doing?" San asked.
"I'm okay" I sighed.
"How is my little superstar?"
"He's okay." I smiled thinking of Dylan. "He's having fun with aunt Rachel."
"Don't let the two of them be too much together," she sighed in annoyance and I could literally hear her rolling her eyes from the other side of the line. "We don't want him to turn out like Berry, do we?"
"You're exaggerating," I giggled but soon my smile faded away.
"You are not okay beautiful." she whispered, how does she even know?
"How's abuela?" I quickly changed the subject.
"Not good," she sighed, "We had to tell her... She wants to do the surgery now."
"Oh.." was the only thing I could say.
You see, about two years ago we found out abuela has cancer. But another kind of cancer, a one that you can live with and take care of.
We decided not to tell her about that, when I say 'we' is San's family. Because this is a small thing that we can live with, a tumor that doesn't do any harm.
There is also a surgery to take it out, but some of the chances is that after the surgery the tumor will turn dangerous and that it will turn into terminal cancer. We know abluela and we also know that as soon as she will now about it she would want to take it out, that's why we hid it from her till now.
"Mama is talking to her right now," San's voice trembled, "She's trying to convince her but... You know abuela, she can be very stubborn and she always gets what she wants."
"Babe everything will be alright." I said but I didn't even believe it myself.
"I need you baby," she started crying from the other side of the line and my heart broke into millions of pieces. I hardly ever hear her cry. It's always me the crying baby. She always tries to stay strong for me, but she broke. "I can't do this by myself. I need you." She cried.
It took me a moment to think. By how it looks now, she won't be back on time. I have to go to Lima to see her.
But what about Dylan? I know it's only a few hours flight but what if something will happen? What if I won't be able to handle this all?
But San needs me. This is the least I can do after everything she has done for me. I have to go.
"We're coming over." I stated. "I'll book a flight tonight. Hang in there baby."
"Okay," she whispered. She didn't even tried to resist or convince me otherwise.
"I love you San... I'll see you soon, okay? Give abuela a big hug from me."
"I love you too," she said, "I will. Good night beautiful."
"Night". And the line went dead.
Things couldn't turn any worse.
-
"Do you have everything packed?" I asked Rachel while I was getting ready myself. She's coming with me to Lima, since I'm a bit scared to do this trip alone with Dylan, and she will get to see her family.
"Yes, now let's go or we will be late." She said, rolling her suitcase out of the house. "Let me help you with that." She said taking my suitcase too since I was holding Dylan. "Okay, let's go."
We exited the house and the taxi was already waiting for us there. Rachel put our bags in the trunk and I climbed to the back seat leaving the door open behind me so Rachel could get in too.
After about 30 minutes drive we got to the airport and just on time. Our flight was called and we hurried to the plane.
On our way here I tried to put Dylan to sleep, so he will sleep at the flight or at least at a part of it, but as soon as the plane took off his little eyes opened and he started crying.
"Oh great." I mumbled under my breath as I started to try and calm him down. Rachel passed me his pacifier but he pushed it away every time I tried to put it in his little mouth. "Shh... It's okay Dylan, calm down." I whispered while I tried to put him closer to me. I remember what San said, I have to stay calm myself, and I immediately put that take smile again hoping it will work this time too, but it didn't.
"Maybe he's hungry." Rachel suggested and I shook my head no for a response.
"I fed him before you came."
I didn't know what to do. I was scared, he never calms down in my arms like he is in San's, he hates me, and people around me are starting to get annoyed.
"Ignore them." Rachel said patting Dylan's little head. "Stay focused on him." I nodded and did as she told.
After the plane went steady in the air and the seatbelt sign was turned off, I finally managed to calm him down. But not myself. I'm such a terrible mother to my own son. I'm trying and keep on failing. How does San do it so naturally? It's like she was meant to be a mom.
"Good job." Rachel giggled planting a soft kiss on the top of my now sleeping son's head. "Can I?" She asked and I nodded almost immediately passing him to her. She took him in her arms and I took advantage of the moment she's concentrated in something else to calm myself down and take my medication I didn't have the time to take this morning.
I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down. I'm not even sure why I acted like this, I just felt nervous and it made me feel sick. I watched how my son sleeps peacefully in my best friend's arms, and I have to stay I felt a little jealous. Why can't he act this calm with me? Why doesn't he love me? I'm also his mother, I carried him for 9 months, I gave birth to him but he still gets along better with my best friend.
"Dan? Are you alright?" Rachel asked zoning me off of my thoughts.
"Yeah." I nodded rapidly sending my eye to wipe a lonely tear that escaped my eye which just then I realized was there.
"Why are you crying?" She asked all concerned.
"I'm just... overwhelmed, yes." I answered, "I'm excited to see San, and I just felt a little pressure here with Dylan, and I haven't slept good at night and-" I kept on lying.
I didn't mean to lie, I hate lying, especially to someone as close to me as Rachel, but the truth is that I have no idea why I was crying. I hate being so fucked up.
I quickly wiped another tear and bent down to take my pills capsules from my bag. I felt Rachel watching me closely, but I can't blame her, she never really saw me taking them, she never really realized how fucked up I am.
I poured two blue pills to my right hand, then added a red one and a white one. Yes, there is also a white one now. I guess I'm so fucked up Dr. Connors gave me another medication.
I threw all of the 4 pills into my mouth and swallowed them without even the need of water. Years of experience.
I looked up at Rachel again, she looked a bit shocked, but anyone who realizes how much their best friend is crazy will look like that. I sent her a small and a very fake smile and she sent me one back. I asked her if she wants me to take Dylan back, but she refused saying she doesn't mind, so I just nodded and leaned my seat back. A short rest might help me fix my brain for a bit.
