Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

Clean

TW: Read description
My heart is racing while I stand in the bathroom stall. What? I'm only with Clay one day! Not even a day! Was George just super high? Is he just that sort of guy? Or does he like me? We met 45 minutes ago! He saw my scars! I told him I was clean!

I told him I was clean.

I... told him I was clean...

I'm not clean, I just don't cut my wrists anymore. My thighs are the culprit now, I don't even bother with straight lines and pretty pictures anymore, I just care about the pain and how deep I go.

Sometimes I go so deep I can see the fat in my legs which just reminds me I'm such a fatass.

I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I hate everyone.

Except Clay. I like Clay, he's amazing and handsome and tall and I love his constant supply of hoodies I steal from him; even from when we weren't dating. I love his humour and his smile and his touch and the way he laughs.

My heart fills with warmth as I let my troubles fly past me, replacing them with images of the cuddly boy I've known more then half my life.

Then I go back to my scars. Clay thinks I'm clean as well. Two and a half years clean when I literally cut myself before leaving to the forest with Clay yesterday.

I panic but calm myself down before anything serious happens.

I check my watch and realise the time, I've been in here 15 minutes since George left? I've been standing here dazed like a puppy seeing a butterfly for the first time for 15 minutes?!

Maybe I should just skip class and find Clay at break.
———
I can see him with in head down and his hands in his pockets standing in front of the principal while she yells at him mercilessly in the hallway.

I stand back a little and wait for her to walk off angrily before approaching him.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"Apparently I smelled like weed" he shrugged.

"I wonder why" I smirk and grab his shoulder, pulling him to the doorway leading outside.

"Come with me!!" I squeal like a child and he just chuckles.

He's quite as we walk around the running track. I ramble on about undertale and he just nods with the occasional 'mhm'.

"Is something wrong? You seem sad" I ask and he grabs my hand.

"I'm fine- just confused"

"About what? I might be able to help; doubt it though, I'm a dumbass" he smiles and runs a hand through his hair.

"Uhm- I'm sorry about this by the way. I hope it's not going to stand in the way of us"

I'm suspicious now. What did he do?

"G-George kissed me. Only on the cheek though- I swear I don't have feelings for him, it just happened and I didn't correct it! He was really smug about it too- he-"

I cut him off with a finger to the lips,"you're fine" I giggle,"he kissed my cheek too, he must just be an affectionate person!"

He sighs and grabs my wrist which is still up to his face.

"He did?" Clay raises an eyebrow,"and you weren't going to tell me?"

I blush and pull my hand away quickly even though I know he's joking.

"Was it like this?" He leans down and kisses my cheek once, twice... three times.

"Actually it was on the other cheek" I whisper to him and he kisses me other cheek once, twice... three times.

"Yeah... it was like that" I feel his breath on my face which reminds me to breath and then open my eyes. I'm very obviously blushing and he's just smiling dumbly at me.

The bell chimes as we walk awkwardly to our next class.
———