Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

My first time

TW: Read description
/GEORGE/
I think Nick finds things more embarrassing then they actually are, he hasn't said more then a couple words to me.

"You know, you might find it awkward but I promise it's fine to move on with this conversation. It's been an hour, the sun is setting"

"I know"

"Do you want to do this... tonight?"

He doesn't answer.

"I can tell you about my first time if you want. Not very detailed of course but I can tell you a bit about what happened"

He nods.

"I was 14. One of my old mates invited me to his birthday party, he was turning 15 I think, or 14. I don't know. There was more adults then kids there. Basically I met this girl there, she was beautiful, she was way older then me too. She was already out of college. I cant remember her name but I remember she had really dark skin, and this stood out because she had natural blue eyes"

"And when I say she was out of college, I mean she was like 25. She was so much older then me. I thought she was pretty but I didn't think of her sexually. She came onto me, she asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her, she offered me some weed which was like a godsend to a 14 year old and honestly I think that was my first time smoking that shit too."

"She locked the door behind us and asked me if I thought she was hot, I said yes. She asked if I wanted to fuck her and I said no. I said no but she did it anyway"

"It's not that it was rape, I said yes eventually. She asked me a bunch of time and I was scared of saying no after a while. But I still said yes so it's not rape"

I finish my story and look to the side to see Nick ghost white,"dude that was rape, she forced you to say yes, that's rape"

"But I enjoyed it..."

"Yeah but you still said no, you were a minor and she wasn't. That's sexual assault"

"What? She told me it wasn't"

"Dude..." he looks sad, I turn on the headlights when I realise how dark it actually is. You cant even see anything at all outside the car.

"But back to before that..." I try to change the subject.

"Was this in the uk?"

I nod,"just leave it be, honestly I'm over it and I wasn't even traumatised or anything"

He goes silent.

"Do you want to do it tonight?" I ask him again and he shrugs.

"I'm not sure. I feel like planning it is a bad idea, maybe we should just let it happen"
———

The sleep is pretty shit. Nicks parents were calling him all night and he eventually blocked them.

We almost did it in fairness, but we ended up making out instead, I didn't want to push him.

I'm too tired to drive so Nick is while I try sleep a little. He thinks I'm asleep.

I can hear him whispering to himself, he's freaking out. As far as I'm concerned he really does want to sleep with me but he's scared.

I know he'll ghost me after we do. I turn over and look at him.

"Nick calm down." He jumps and looks at me.

"I'm fine"

"You know... you don't need to do much to please me, I could top if you wanted... I could make it all about you"

He slumps in the seat and sighs.

"I just don't want to hurt you or fuck it up or hurt myself even"

"I'm a masochist if that helps"

"What the fuck is a masochist"

"Someone who gets horny over being in pain, it's more a kink then a fetish though"

He stops breathing,"is that why you looked so happy when I choked you?"

"Yeah..."

He breaths out,"oh"

I set the chair upwards again and look at him,"I'm honoured you want me to take your virginity"

He laughs and elbows me.

I moan and grab onto him making him flinch.

"I'm joking, that didn't even hurt" I laugh and he kisses me briefly.

The laughter dies down and he concentrates on the road, biting his lip.

He's not angry.
I doubt he's nervous.

He's happy.

He's happy with me.
———