Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

Motherly duties

/SAPNAP/
I've been up in my room trying to study for hours, staring at the roof and imagining different scenarios of everything from snorting a line of coke at a party to turning down a blowjob from one of my teachers.

A loud rap on the door breaks me out of my trance and I jump, closing my French book and putting down my pen.

"Come in" I call and the person does.

My mother pokes her head around the door first and then moves into pick through my messy room.

She moves her hand to grab something from under my bed and a sudden urge to stop her comes over me.

I don't want her to find something, not that I have anything. I'm just not sure if she will find something and consider it bad or sexual.

The worst thing I have under there is a small pack of condoms I bought for a dare two years ago. I was only 14 at the time so the cashier must've thought I was crazy.

Her hands wiggle around in the grime a little more before grabbing onto something and pulling it out.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my heart racing in case it was the condoms. I have no use for them anyway, I'm not having sex with Clay and I don't want too.

"Cleaning. Nick how old are you now?"

"You don't know your own child's age? I'm 17."

She lets out a small sigh and throws a box at my head. I almost catch it but it falls onto the floor and I pick it up. It's not the condoms. It's not a porno my 12 year old brother shoved under my bed to hide from her. It's a small cassette tape.

"Play it."

"I don't have a player, I didn't even know this was under there, you can watch it if you want and you have something to play it on"

"You used to have a vhs player, where's that?"

"Andy threw it at the wall last summer, smashed it" I put the tape beside me and she sticks her hand under my bed.

"I'm trying to study can you leave?"

"No! You certainly won't clean under here so I'm doing it." She snaps and furrows her dark eyebrows.

Her face turns to disgust and she pulls her hand out,"what's this, Nicholas?"

I freeze and turn back from my book.

"Are you having sex?"

Her hands are wrapped around the XXS condom pack.

"And Jesus you are not extra extra small, I changed those diapers, I should know."

"Ew. And no, I'm not. Those are like 2 years old"

"YOU HAD SEX TWO YEARS AGO?!"

"NO I NEVER OPENED THEM! IT WAS A DARE, ALEX DARED ME TO GET THE SMALLEST SIZE! IM NOT FUCKING SOMEONE!"

She's quiet.

...

"Give me the cassette tape. And mind your language when you speak to me."
———

Clay sits idle on the curb, a cigarette in one hand and a book in the other. I approach him steadily and sit down next to him, taking the cigarette from him and gaining his attention.

He smiles and closes the book, putting his arm around me instead and kissing my cheek.

I blow out a puff of smoke and hand it back to him.

"How was your day?" He half whispers.

"Normal I guess... you remember those condoms I bought for a dare a few years ago?"

Clay chuckles and nods.

"My mom found them, she thinks I'm screwing some girl"

His jaw drops but I stop him before he says anything.

"And that got me thinking... I think I'm fully asexual. Like I've never wanted to do anything ever, sure I've tried to force myself to like it but it doesn't work"

Clay nods and stops his joking face.

"I still want a sexual relationship..." he mutters.

"I'm sorry" I feel bad now,"I can still... uh... do it with you!"

He turns to me with a look of shock,"you want me to rape you? CNC?"

I nod and gulp.

"No! What the fuck Nick! No! I'm not going to-" he lowers his voice,"I'm not going to rape you!"

"Then are we over? Are we breaking up?"

It's quiet. Too quiet. The lamp flickers overhead and he shakes his head.

"No. Nick if you're not comfortable then... then what if we try polyamory? Like I date you because I really, really like you but I date another person because I'm sexually attracted to them?"

I stop and think.

"Who?" I ask him.

"I don't know... someone."

I nod and take his cigarette, just as the rain starts to pour on us.

He hands me a small slip of paper before standing up and walking towards his house; it's some sort of medical exam, but it's not medical. It's psychological.

———