Walks alone

Chapter 4

⚠️tw⚠️ same as last chapter

     The bus ride home was just like any other day boring, sad and depressing. Evelyn just sat in her seat with her earbuds on noise cancellation and her music consuming her thoughts. She had her knees up against the seat in front of her, while her eye's stared out the window at the scenery.
     She would be lost in thought right now but the music has her mind turned off which is exactly what she needs right now. For once the world and her mind were silent. She did not feel the overwhelming sensation of despair, did not feel her heart break more by the second, she was feeling nothing which felt amazing.
    As she gets off the bus she says "see ya" to her bus driver and walks off. Her music still loud in her ears she walks up her driveway is silence.
     Just as she was about to open the door to her house, she toke a moment to compose herself and put on her fake happy face so her mother would not worry about her.
As she walks into the kitchen she says
"Mom im home"
No answer
       Evelyn just walked up to her room and dropped her bag off on her pink chair. She dropped her tired body on her bed and pull out her phone. Not knowing what she is doing on her phone, she decided to play a game till someone texted her. She played property brothers and listened to her music to keep her mind from thinking.
       The music could not keep the thought of him from flooding back to her mind. The moment he first kissed her, the moment he told her he loved her, the moments he held her close while she was crying. An overwhelming feeling of pain just shocked her heart and her nose started to sting. Her chest tightened and her hear dropped 10 feet in her stomach. Yet through all that all she could do was sigh in pain. Evelyn knew she could not cry her mother was home and she could not cut while her mother was home. So she just compressed her feelings and pushed them away.
     Her game was distracting her enough so she switched over to tiktok. She knew her mother had to work tonight so she just needed to wait till 5 but it was just turning 4. One more hour she said to herself. Just one...

One hour later
"Okay Evelyn I am heading out now, I love you" yelled Evelyn's mother from downstairs

"Okay mom, I love you too"Evelyn responded

"Keep the fire going and feed the horse please and thank you" asked her mom

"Will do mom have fun at work" she replied
Evelyn wait till she hears the car start to drive away before she lets herself feel the pain. She lets her heart break and get heavy and her chest tighten. Evelyn switches her music from her earbuds to her tv and puts the volume up al the way. The first song she plays is their song. The song they slowed danced to for the very first time back when their love story just began. Listening to that song broke her heart and made her eyes swelled up with tears.
Evelyn knew she could not fight them anymore so she just let the tears fall from her eyes and felt them roll down her cheeks.
By the halfway mark of the song, she was screaming in pain. Tears flowing down her tear stained cheeks, her heart was still so heavy in her chest. The more she cried the more her heart hurt but when she was not crying her heart hurt more then it ever has in her life. Evelyn always thought the most pain she ever felt was coming across the way her father left her sister and her, she thought her father abandoning her was the most hurtful thing to even happen to her. But that pain does not even begin to compare to this pain she is feeling.
For a second she heard the sound of the song that just came on and she lost it balling her eyes out.

"There's not a thing I could say
Not a song I could sing
For your mind to change
Nothing can fill up the space
Won't ask you to stay
But let me ask you one thing
Oh-o-oh, when did you fall out of love?" Evelyn screamed alone with the song.
Why did this song effect her so much? Maybe because its asking the question she is dying to know the answer to, or because he fell out of love for her.... She did not care what the reason was for the song hitting so hard, all she cared about was him.
⚠️tw⚠️skip this part if talk about cutting triggers you at all

At this point she blanked, she dropped her wall of protection. She reach for a drawer and opened it. When she reached in she grabbed a pair of......
Not one cut
Not two cuts
Not three cuts
Not four cuts
More then you can count....
When Evelyn finally realized what she just did she froze. She stared at the cuts on her thigh. Evelyn placed her hand on the newly formed lines on her leg and felt the sting from them. She liked how she felt the pain and she loved releasing the stress and inside pain she is in. Overall she loved taking it out on something she hated as much as her body.
Evelyn slide the scissors back into the drawer she grabbed them from and changed into some shorts. Then she went back to watching tiktok till Avery or Jonathan texted her.