TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY CONTENT SELF HARM, SEXUAL VIOLENCE, CHILD ABUSE, SUICIDE OR MURDER.
The school year finally ends. But my hell life will never stop there. Parang nasa impyerno ang buhay ko kahit na nasa bahay ako. Hindi ko nararamdaman na ligtas at maayos ako kahit na dapat. The truth is... I never felt that I am home. Never. Since my real father died...
My father is a well known musician back then. We we're very closed to each other or I must say that I am Papa's girl. I also inherited my talents from my Papa which is singing and playing different kinds of music instruments.
We both loved music and I still love it. My mother on the other hand, doesn't love or even like it. I saw how she was irritated whenever I and Papa sang or played intruments. Kaya kapag ganon ay minamabuti naming tumigil ni Papa sa ginagawa para hindi na mauwi sa pagtatalo.
"My little princess, grown up so fast. You're a big girl now." Papa said with a smile but also a tears in his eyes.
It's my 7th birthday, I am wearing a pink gown like Aurora's gown in Disney Princesses. I was dancing with Papa with in a slow song. We we're having a birthday party on my Lola's backyard. Ayaw pa nga ni mama dahil wala naman daw kaming pera dahil laos naman na raw si Papa. At wala nang kwenta dahil wala na itong pera pampakain sa'min. But Lola insisted, sya na raw ang bahala sa lahat.
Nagalit pa si Lola dahil sa klase ng panlalait ni mama kay papa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganon nalang ang galit ni mama kay papa. Samantalang, wala naman itong ginawang mali.
Nalulungkot ako hindi dahil sa ayaw ni mama na ipagpaparty ako kundi dahil sa masasakit na sinasabi nya kay Papa.
"Yes, Papa. I'm a big girl now so don't treat me like a baby na ha?" Nakangiting saad ko pa.
"I can't. Dahil kahit na big girl kana. You will always be my baby, anak. And anak, lagi kang mag iingat kapag wala na si Papa, huh? Aalagaan mo ang sarili mo at maging mabuti kang bata. I love you, anak. I always do." Bagaman nakangiti ay malungkot ang mga mata ni Papa. Kaya nagtataka ako kung bakit. Pero hindi ko nalang iyon pinansin bagkus ay yinakap ko nalang sya nang mahigpit.
"I love you too, Papa. Always remember that I am here when mama hurt you with her words." Naiiyak na sabi ko.
Natapos ang kaarawan ko nang masaya. My Lola was there, my papa, mama and my friends was there.
Not until the next day, it was like a nightmare. I want to wake up but I can't because it is really real. Tears rolled coming from my eyes. My head was spinning, I can't breath properly. My beloved father...
[PLAY : DANCE WITH MY FATHER BY LUTHER VANDROSS, while reading this part]
Papa found hanging on the ceiling of our apartment house. There is a suicide note. They gave it to me because it saids to be mine.
'Mahal kong anak,
Huwag ka sanang malungkot sa paglisan ko. Sorry for leaving you so early. Sorry for doing this. Sorry that you need to feel this way. But don't worry my baby, I am always by your side. Papa was always there for you to guide you as your guardian angel.
Take my guitar as a gift for your 7th birthday. Sorry, anak dahil yan lang maibibigay ko sayo...
Alagaan mo ang sarili mo anak, mabait kang bata at sana ay ipagpatuloy mo lang iyan. Huwag ka sanang magtanim ng sama ng loob sa kahit na sino. Mag aral kang mabuti and chase your dreams. Your dreams was also my dreams. Huwag kang susuko sa hamon ng buhay anak, huwag kang gagaya sa akin na mahina. Be brave for me my little princess.
Always remember that I love you and your Mom forever.'
Nang maburol si Papa ay nakatulala lamang ako sa isang sulok, hawak ang gitarang iniregalo ni Papa while looking in his gold coffin. There's a lot of flowers from the people who knows my father saying they condolences. I will miss my father's smile and hugs.
BINABASA MO ANG
UNANG MUSIKA
RomancePau is a vocalist and a Restau Bar owner. Her struggles in life does not easy for her to overcome to reach her success. She was abused by her own mother and step dad when she was young. Nilimitahan ang sariling kasiyahan upang gawin ang mga bagay n...
