breathe • trixya

just friends

song of the chapter : fade into you - mazzy star (overall aesthetic)

trixie mattel woke up so fucking giddy. today she has another therapy session, then she's going to hang out with katya afterwards. she has to have a good outfit for today. so she intensively looks through her closet; looking for something cute. and maybe a tad bit hot.

katya was already at the office as trixie got ready, she was sitting down at her desk writing notes on clients. she smiled when she wrote about trixie, it's all she seemed to do when she thought of her. trixie is a beautiful woman.

katya is definitely a lesbian, she's known since she was 15, and she has feelings for trixie but she assumes trixie is definitely not into women. so she's not even going to try.

katya hasn't come out to anyone, not even sasha. she thinks it's just better that way. no one has to know. all her life she's kept it a secret, she went to an all girl school growing up and she would often have sleepovers with friends. one friend, also seemed to share the same secret. katya can faintly remember jinkx, but all she remembers is good.

her and jinkx would often sneak outside at the sleepovers. they'd talk for hours, and once they kissed, they continued to do so. they both just said they wanted to know how it feels, then they'd laugh it off, acting as if it was just for fun.

but they knew it felt right, they never dated though. katya never got close with people, that's just the person she is. and jinkx wasn't fond of that, plus they liked being friends better. eventually katya moved to new york, and now they don't talk at all. katya still sometimes wonders how jinkx is doing now.

the sound of a tiny knock suddenly went through her office, "входить! i sure hope it's trixie!" katya says, knowing for sure that it is. and, she was right. "i didn't know you can speak russian?!" trixie replies while walking into the office. "i'm actually russian. ты сегодня красиво выглядишь.", she said knowing trixie didn't know what she was saying.

(you look beautiful today)

"don't know what the fuck you just said but that's so cool." trixie responds, fascinated with katya's ability to know multiple languages.

trixie truly does look beautiful, just like last time, but katya couldn't help but stare even longer at how amazing trixie looks today. her hair fell slightly above her breasts. she had an off the shoulder pink dress. that rode up her thighs as she walked to the couch. and katya stared some more.

katya felt weird for looking, she thought she was being creepy and gross, so she looked down at her black stilettos as she got up from her chair. "glad to see you again trixie, i'm surprised i didn't scare you off.".

"i'm surprised too, if you can believe it." the two chuckle quietly to themselves. katya sat on her black velvet chair that sat across from the couch, trixie noticed katya scoot it a bit closer to her before asking about how she's been. "any panic attacks recently?" katya  sincerely asks.

trixie automatically thought about the night she had that dream, after a bit of thinking she started to cry and hyperventilate. she didn't know what she was feeling, she didn't know why she was so scared, why the world didn't normalize difference. because in that moment she felt different, not normal.

she couldn't tell katya everything on why she panicked, because then she'd know about trixie's dream. and trixie didn't want her to be uncomfortable. so she said, "well.. i'm confused on feelings, i don't know if i like someone or not. and i'm afraid he might reject me or feel uncomfortable.", trixie said 'he' to make katya feel better and not give her a weird look.

but instead it made katya's heart skip a beat, knowing trixie liked someone made her react negatively. she decided not to take it too personally, it was inevitable that they wouldn't feel the same way for each other. plus she hardly knows the girl. 'what was i even thinking?!', she thought to herself.