breathe • trixya

breathe

song of the chapter : between the bars - elliott smith (katya's feelings)

tears brimmed trixie's eyes slowly as she heard her mother's words. her mom had been asking her about how she's been, what she did after the show, who she was hanging out with.

trixie had described katya, said she was different. that she lived alone with her cat julia, and she was her therapist. her mom kept bugging her on giving her details on how katya looks, and so trixie did.

"trixie... that girl katya, is she a lesbian? because if so i don't want you being corrupted. you need to stop hanging out with her, you'll be unsafe."

trixie felt speechless. maybe she was being too obvious on how katya was different different. she should've told her mom that she had a husband or some shit.

"i- um- she's my best friend mom. why should any of that matter?", trixie replied into the phone. trying her best to remain calm.

"because beatrice! she probably will try getting with you. you'll be unsafe, i'll be unsafe, you won't live a happy life, you'll never be happy."

a tear fell down trixie's right cheek, she felt a lump in her throat but she tried to not lose her cool.

"that's ironic because i've never been happy until recently. she makes me happy. i don't care about other people. she's my best friend. she's my.. i like her a lot.", trixie's words spilled out as if she couldn't hold it in. like she's been bottling up all of these emotions.

"so you're a dyke now?! gosh trixie i feel like since you've moved to new york i don't know you anymore."

trixie started to silently cry more, she knew she was the same girl her mom grew up with. she just knew more about herself now. she found herself, and her mom didn't like that.

the time she spent growing up, she was constantly trying to be the perfect daughter so her family could acknowledge her, so they could love her and give her attention. most of the time it didn't work. when it did trixie felt amazing. before she moved, her and her mom grew a good relationship and now they talk every week. she started to pay more attention to trixie. to express her love for trixie.

right now the mood shifted. and trixie felt like a disappointment.

"i can't talk to you anymore.."

trixie's mom said before hanging up and making the phone go silent. trixie stood in the silence with tears running down her face. each time she blinked, her vision got more blurry.

she felt her chest tighten up and she practically slammed the phone back onto the wall. her breathing became unsteady and she quickly walked out the front door.

she shut the door and went straight to the only person she could think of.

-

katya took a drag of the cigarette she had in between her middle and index finger. she squinted her eyes as the smoke blew out of her mouth slowly, leaving a cloud of smoke in front of her.

it was already dark out, work had just ended and no one was in the office. she sat on the steps in front of the entrance, not wanting to go home yet.

she felt a calmness in being alone, being outside looking at the buildings and only hearing her breathing and the city being busy.

she suddenly heard footsteps practically stomping towards her, for a second she got startled until she saw who it was. but then she noticed she had red eyes, a red nose, and her eyelashes were wet and somewhat clumped together.

"trixie, are you okay?" katya asked worriedly as she stood up quickly and dropped her cigarette onto the floor, stepping on it firmly.

trixie didn't say a word, instead she embraced katya. the two stood on the steps and hugged each other tightly.