Hometown - Soobin 🔞

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I forgot how much it rained here.

I usually only visit my parents once or twice a year-- quick visits over the holidays. I hadn't planned on coming to stay but I needed a place to crash after moving out of the apartment I shared with my ex, Jihoon.

I'm not ready to talk about what happened. But now I'm here in my old bedroom. The sunflower duvet I got in middle school is still on my bed, next to the big teddy bear Soobin gave me in 8th grade.

Jihoon never liked it when I watched him perform on TV. He never made me turn it off, but I could sense the jealousy steaming off of him when I turned on Music Bank on Fridays.

Soobin and I were high school sweethearts. He confessed to me the summer before 9th grade. He was painfully shy, but so was I, so our relationship felt easy and comfortable. We would study together, hang out on the field down the street from my house, make out under the big pine tree by the lake. I still remember how the pine needles would get stuck on my back as he lifted my shirt to touch my skin.

But my favorite memories of us are of him dozing off on my lap after school. I would play with his hair and write poems in my notebook. Poems about him, his eyes, his smile.

We didn't pressure each other, every step we took together was slow and deliberate. So when he told me he had won the audition at BigHit, I was ecstatic for him. I knew this was his dream.

"We'll move to Seoul together and I'll get us a big apartment! You'll be at all of my shows and I'll sing to you!" he said, his eyes bright with excitement.

He didn't tell anyone about it, only me and his parents. He was so afraid to fail and deal with the shame of having to explain himself to everyone, that he kept it secret for a whole year. But I knew he would make it. I never saw him strive for something as much as he did when he started training.

I was so proud and so happy for him. But his dream became more important than me and I didn't know how to deal with it.

"Do you need help unpacking, sweetie?" My eomma pops her head in, startling me out of my thoughts.

"No, I'm okay, eomma-- thank you," I smile, squatting back down to open the big box with all my books.

I sigh, glancing at the empty shelf by the window where I used to keep them, neatly placed in order from tallest to shortest. I never thought I'd be arranging them again, but here I am.

Just then my phone rings. Hyunwoo's bright smile flashes on my screen and I can't help but feel a bit better about being back home.

"Hey!" I answer cheerfully, sitting down on my bed.

"Hey! Are you back yet?" he asks, a hint of excited curiosity in his voice.

"Yeah! I just got in last night! How are you?" I grin, getting excited about seeing my old friend again.

"Oh you know, I'm alright- I just got off a long shift at the cafe so I'm tired..." he sighs. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yes- and no..." I sigh, laying my head on the pillow.

"I'd meet you at Wongok but I have a date with this new guy I'm seeing..." he giggles.

"Aw, that's great! Good thing I'm not above drinking alone then!" I laugh sheepishly.

"That's my girl-" he says sweetly. "Call me tomorrow, okay?"

I agree and we hang up.

At least I still know someone here.

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The bar is exactly how I remember it. It smells like wood grain and smoke, unpretentious. There is something equal parts comforting and melancholy about it though.

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